MoNiii

I cannot wait for the day when I am able to start my own family, but I am terrified of the process of pregnancy. When I think about labor, I think about pain! How does that little body come out of such a little hole? Im sorry but 10 centimeters just doesn’t convince me. Not to mention the contractions. When my best friend was going through labor, I felt the pain. Every time she had a contraction, seeing her in so much distress, I couldn’t even help but think of myself in her shoes. It scared the bajeezus out of me! My cramps get really bad when Aunt Flow comes to visit, I can only imagine how intense they’ll be when I am going through labor. Many take epidurals, many take the pain. I have heard horrid stories of what can happen to your child by having an epidural during labor, so theres a part of me that would want to try and test my pain tolerance to see if I can go without; if I can’t, though, give me that shot in the back and call me superwoman!

Why do you want to get married?

I have never actually given thought to the reasons as to why I want to get married. I guess I have just always wanted to get married, because its a step in the narrative I would like to take, and it is expected of me in society. But, taking a step back to actually think about this question, I feel I want to get married because I want to have that secure feeling that this person, whom I love, will be my companion, forever. I also not only want to be a couple in the eyes of society, but in the eyes of God, as well. I do want to get married for some of the societal functions of marriage, but being viewed as a couple in God’s eyes to me, means the most.

What is the purpose of marriage?

I believe the purpose of marriage, is basically to “seal the deal.” I feel like if someone commits themselves to a marriage, then they are going to have more of a likely hood to commit themselves to you, during the hard times, sick times, they are going to commit themselves to the children you have as well. I guess this view I have of marriage comes from what society tells me about it; I have at times pondered the thought of why as a society we commit ourselves to just one person. I think this is because with the commitment of marriage, lots of other commitments follow; and its an almost guarantee that you will have someone to grow old with, that can help you in your time of need, care for you, and always be there. I don’t think that would be possible, if we committed ourselves to different people, because there would always be that one person that we would commit ourselves too the most, just like in our circle of friends.. there is always that one person that you go to for everything, I feel that would happen in a relationship with commitments to different people. I want to get married to have someone I love to grow old with, to help me out in the sad times, share all the good times with me, raise my children, and basically the rest of the societal functions of marriage; but I think the main purpose of marriage, would be commitment.. commitment to love.

Who are you likely to marry?

So, before entering this class, I gave nothing to the thought of relationships not working out with people who aren’t in the same ses as me. Now that I think about it and have been in a relationship, where someone is not, I think what I learned is correct. I have never had to worry about spending, and having to worry or not be able to do something,because my bf at the time couldn’t afford to do anything, really sucked. <- as shallow as that sounds. I also, believe I am going to marry someone like my father. I want to marry someone who I know will make a commitment to me, who will be a great father to my children, who has morals, same religious background, integrity, who gets along with my family, and a protector. I feel like who I want in a relationship now, and the kind of the man I want to marry are almost the same, except on the marriage factor, since I do eventually want to have children, I have to marry a man who I know will be an amazing father.

What kind of family structure do you expect to have? How many children?

I want to have the exact same family structure as my parents. I hope to have twins, and I hope they are fraternal. If I don't have twins, I figure I will have two children, and hopefully they will be a boy and a girl. I want the same type of household, I had. I want to have a stable household, where money problems, don't arise, where our family has a plan of action, for when things go wrong, and a big hearted loving family.

How will your family compare with the family you have come out of?

Maybe I was just blessed with such an amazing family, and huge extended family, but I hope that when I am married my life is just as great as the ones my parents have. I have never known anyone who has divorced, and with the 12 brothers and sisters my mother has, and the 9 that my father has I think that is pretty amazing. My parents showed me, that even in the worst of times, most things can be worked out. Im not saying my parents relationship has always been the greatest, there were always those threats of divorce, but they always worked through it, as did my extended family. My parents have always lived for their children, and I want to do the same. I want to have a household where we work out our problems, have a huge amount of love, and put our spouses and children in front of ourselves, because this is what I grew up seeing, this is what I know, and this is what I love.

How likely are you to divorce?

I know the divorce rates have increased, but because of my religious backgrounds, and the fact that I do not actually know anyone that has been divorced, I do not think my likelihood for divorce is very high. I have seen many relationships have their hard times, and then fix themselves, and now the couple is more in love than they have ever been. I have been taught that if a relationship really means that much to you, you will try to work out the problems, whether it be with a friend, or spouse; because if they are worth it, its worth the trying.

How important is love in the stability of your future romantic relationships/ marriage?

So, I feel love is extremely important in the stability of relationships. I feel as when the love burns out, nothing is left but pieces of either a broken heart or regret. Trying to work out a romantic relationship, with someone you feel no emotions for, I feel would be extremely difficult. I do not understand how someone is able to fall out of love, but I do know it happens, and without love in a relationship.. what would you have? Without love in the world, it would be chaotic, and so the same goes for marriage.

Goals of long-term relationships, how will you remain satisfied in your relationship/marriage?

I do not know if I can answer this question, because I have not experienced a long term relationship/marriage; but since I have to I guess, experiencing new things with your spouse would help you to remain satisfied in a marriage. Doing little things to remind your spouse about how much you love them would to. Trust, though.. I think that trust would play a big factor in this. I would not want to be in a marriage, where my husband did not let me go out with my girlfriends, without him. Sometimes you need time to escape and be with your friends, and I feel like if you are in a relationship where you aren't able to do some of the things you want to because of trust, well you will develop a type of hate towards you spouse.

Before taking this class, I never took time to thing about any of these questions. I just knew that marriage is something I wanted to happen, and that I wanted my marriage to be what I have seen, a marriage like my parents. I think my ideologies of marriage have to do with the model I have had in front of me my entire life; and now that I think about it, coming home to me as a child, meant going home to my mother and father, and I want the same for my children. I guess it is safe to say, that my parents play a role in the reasons I want to marry.

Apparently, I missed the class during which Ashley asked, if any of us were a twin.

I would miss that class.

Well, I am a twin, and this is a picture of me and my twin brother on our most recent birthday.

Everyone, is always asking me how it feels to have a twin.. its pretty much awesome! My brother and I are the only children my parents had. We have been together since we were conceived, and have never known what it is like to have a younger or older sibling. – With that being said, its not like we ever had to fight for the attention of our parents, or compete for the attention we were used to having, because we knew nothing but the attention we had been given since birth. Although, that changed some as we got older, because our parents had to split time between our different extracurricular activities. Usually Mom went with me and Dad with my bro.. I mean what father would like to sit in a gymnast gym, instead of watch a baseball game, I understood.
We are also always getting asked, whos older… well if you want to get technical im older by thirty seconds, but my bro and I dont even think of whos older, or younger.. we are the same age.

I don’t think I could imagine my life without my brother. Since we are the same age, and come from a small town.. we share the same circle of friends, we are known around town as “Los Cuates,” which in spanish means twins, and have gone through all the stages of our lives together. We watched each other grow into what we are today. He has his athletics, while I have school.. but no matter what, we have always had each other, and thats pretty awesome to me :p

Why be monogamous? Are we monogamous just because there is a set cultural model for what a relationship should be, I don’t think so.
Yes, we are made for reproduction like other animals, but unlike other animals we have the ability to express emotions, and rely on one another emotionally and physically. Unlike other animals, are young take a considerably longer time, to be okay on their own.
As people, from birth we cry out to our mothers for attention, we are made to feel, to love, and to want to be loved; thats not something that is learned.

I don’t think that polygamy could ever fill our want for love, although polygamists get different things from each of their spouses’, I feel that there is one spouse that they feel more for than the others, and that the others are not really their for different types of emotional support, but for “fun.”
In class, we were talking about, how we would feel if our boyfriends/girlfriends, had another girl on the side, but were open about it.

Well, I was recently cheated on, and not to my surprise.. my ex came crying back to me saying he needed me, he needed me for emotional support, not the girl on the side. She was for fun. Whether he had been open about it from the beginning, or not.. I would have never let that fly, I feel that this practice of polygamy is pretty out dated, and it is not just a cultural model that has set us to believe we should be monogamous, but feelings and evolution as well.

When it comes to relationships,marriage,divorce etc., my views are not that traditional. There are so many who wed because they feel they have to, whether it be due to something as extreme as premarital pregnancy or merely because they feel they’re getting too old. Likewise, so many people dismiss divorce “for the sake of the kids” or because of their religious views. I think people should just find their happy. If you’re not happy because you are in a marriage, divorce has been fought for, and is now an option for a reason. Of course I would suggest other options first, such as marriage counseling; fight as hard as you can to make it work, but if the love is gone and cannot be found.. get out. If you’re not happy, your spouse won’t be happy and you’ll both be living miserable lives. Even though I am not an avid believer in “till death do us part,” I don’t think divorce should be taken so lightly. Some people get married for giggles, and toss around “I do’s” like there’s no meaning behind it. Divorce isn’t there to be a quick fix to that drunken weekend fling in Vegas; it’s there to relieve those who are truly not happy in their marriage. Though divorce shouldn’t be taken advantage of, people shouldn’t be scared or ashamed to get a divorce, and others shouldn’t judge those who get divorced.