miesha's blogs

Before I got into marriage and family, my biggest fear was to get married. There were so many things that I was unsure of and concerned about. For example, how would I know how to be a wife?  How do I know what types of things are worth arguing about or what types of things would anger my husband enough to cheat on me? I had not actually given much thought to the actual institution of marriage. I just thought about it in a general sense because I never thought it would happen for me. I also never really gave thought to the legalities that come with marriage and the difference between getting married at a court house and having an actual wedding. Not to mention, I never understood how hard it could possibly be to do certain things for yourself later on in the future if you are single. Now, as the semester comes to a close, I can honestly say that I am excited to one day be married. Sure, I want to be in love, but I also want to reap the benefits that I never knew were possible. I realize that just like every other woman, I have some very strong personality traits, but this doesn’t cancel me out for someone wanting to marry me. It just means that I should make a better effort to marry someone that balances me out as opposed to someone that I would always clash with. Finally, in terms of marriage, I realize that some things are inevitable because of the way men and women have been socialized. In some situations men will get angry and others women will, but it doesn’t mean the argument will end in a divorce. Marriage I think can be a beautiful thing and I think everyone should be open to the possibility of one day being married.

I used to think it was wrong or unethical in a sense to marry someone for reasons other than love. However, I realize now that marriage is meant to serve more purposes than one. The main purpose though in my opinion is to have someone to share everything with; including financial responsibilities, hard times, emotional episodes, intimate moments, parenting and the everyday components of life. I don’t think a spouse determines your happiness all the time, but I do think it makes things easier and bearable if you have someone helping you along the way. This is especially important when you reach adulthood. When you are a teen or emerging adult, your parents are there for you most of the time, but when you reach adulthood, it is more important to rely on yourself and this could get difficult with no one to depend on. 

In terms of me getting married, I think that I am likely to marry someone that has a similar socioeconomic background but possibly of a different race and definitely a different birth order. I grew up in a middle class family in terms of money, but probably lower class in terms of education. I am a first generation college student so in the area of college, my parents couldn’t offer me much assistance and definitely couldn’t afford Baylor. I think this had the largest impact on the type of person I am turning out to be. I am very self- motivated and believe in working for any and everything that I want. I feel that someone from a high socioeconomic status may not be able to relate to me in too many ways and we would have a hard time finding an area that we identify with one another on.  I am open to dating and even marrying someone from a different background, I just think I would be more compatible with someone that both can relate to and has become successful despite the struggle that I (or they) have faced growing up. In terms of birth order, we learned the different characteristics that children possess.  I am the youngest child but I possess the qualities of the oldest child and feel that I wouldn’t fit well with a youngest child. Once again, I am open to the possibility, but I really do not see myself with anyone other than an oldest or middle child. Race isn’t a big deal to me at all. Based on things that I have learned both in marriage and family and other sociology classes, I know that the amounts of black men that marry black women are small and in some regions getting smaller. I do not plan on rushing into a marriage, so it’s just a matter of who is available and who is interested in me at the time that I choose to pursue a marriage. I honestly feel at this time, the chances of me finding a husband outside of my race is greater than me finding one within. Once again, this doesn’t determine who I choose to build a family with.

As far as my own family structure, it’s a question that I have pondered since I decided that I wanted to have children. I always said that I would raise my children the way that my parents raised me. However, as I’ve gotten older and am able to see the effects the family structure that my brothers and I were raised in, I think otherwise. I do not think that we’ve grown up to terrible, I actually think we’re pretty successful; there are just some things that I feel would be different if our upbringing was different. In addition, I’ve learned so much in marriage and family that I don’t know where to begin. There are so many things I wasn’t aware of that have a tremendous effect on the way you end up. With this in mind, I plan to take a lot of things into account. But, for the most part, I plan to use my religion to govern my marriage as well as how to raise my children. Contrary to how I was raised, I probably won’t spank my children and I do not plan to have my husband submit to me. I believe in sharing responsibilities but I plan to allow my husband his role as man of the house. My mom doesn’t exactly submit to my dad’ it is actually more of my dad submitting to my mom from what I see. Sometimes, I think it is sweet but as far as myself, this probably something that I will incorporate into my own marriage. With all this being said, I still will follow some of the things that were instilled in me as a child. My parents have been married for 23 years and even in arguments, they don’t even consider divorce. I do not think I will allow anyone to mistreat me, but I am quite sure that divorce will be a last resort for me. In addition, my parents never allowed us to see them argue or disagree about anything. I think this is something I will practice as well; when children don’t know about your adult problems, it is easy for them to stay in a child’s place. The number of children that I want is preferably 3, but not for any particular reason. I honestly just want healthy children, no matter how many of them I have.

I do not think that I’m very likely to divorce. I plan on getting to or at least trying to know the person very well before I marry them. So, when we do get married, there won’t be so many surprises or characteristics that I just can’t deal with. I also think this will depend on if I have children or not and if I do how many. Just as we learned in class, there are so many things to consider when divorce is in question. For that reason, I think I would weigh all of my options before saying yes or no to divorce. Nevertheless, I am confident and faithful that my marriage won’t come to this. With this being said I think the ending of a marriage can and have been in some relationships connected to the beginning of the marriage or the reason why it took place. I feel that if you spend enough time getting to know someone, marry them for the right reasons and do your part to make it successful, there is a good chance that it will work.  

Taken this into account, I think love is the most important factor for the stability of a long term romantic relationship or marriage. Love, is the thing that drives all of your decisions where the other person is concerned. First and foremost, if you love someone, you will always look out for their best interest and essentially want them to be happy; even if what they do doesn’t exactly make you happy. Differences in any relationship are inevitable. I think love is what causes you to work through those differences and find a common ground. This also goes into the amount that you are willing to compromise or sacrifice for another person. If the love isn’t there, you won’t have a reason to put that person equal to or even above yourself in some situations. For example, when a woman decides to have a child; if she is in the workforce, she runs a bigger risk of being set back than does her husband or boyfriend. However, if she loves him and he wants a child, she is going to put aside her career and have a child because it is something that will make him happy and help them to build a family. We can even look at in a different context. In terms of helping one another financially, things will get rough at times. If there isn’t a common bond (love) between the man and woman, it will be harder for them to get through these times without dividing. In short, love is what gives a man and woman what they need to make it work.

In addition to love being present, I think the key to marital satisfaction is learning and loving more. Let’s assume that everyone that is married is in love; how is this different from a boyfriend and girlfriend that love another? There may be a variety of answers to this question, but the truth is the only difference is that love between married people means a commitment. I think the way that you remain happy is to find different reasons and ways to love the same person. This will cause your feelings to keep growing and it will keep you in the honey moon phase for the entire marriage. When people first marry, they think everything about their spouse is perfect and their in “la la land”. It’s almost like nothing they do is wrong. Then, eventually reality sets in and they realize how imperfect one another are. What I am suggesting is that despite finding out that by nature your husband or wife isn’t perfect, you continue to find ways that they are. Take the time to notice and appreciate small things rather than picking at them. Look for reasons why they are your soul mate instead of telling them things that they need to fix. I also think learning about one another causes a bond to grow. I personally feel that every married couple should reach a point to where they almost share the same heart and mind. When you learn everything about a person, you begin to know their mannerisms, their thought process, their reactions to certain things, what makes them happy, etc. This is how you get closer to someone. You reach a certain point where your spouse doesn’t have to tell you what they want or what makes them happy, you already know.  For example, when we surveyed married couples for an assignment, I asked my parents the questions through text messaging (they were in 2 different cities) and all of the answers that they gave me were literally almost word for word. Had this been 10 years ago, I don’t think it would have been this way.  The reason I propose is that they have grown closer and taken the time to learn so much about one another. That is the only explanation I offer for them being so in sync considering the fact that one is male and the other female.  I am not saying I expect everyone’s marriage to be like my parents’, I just think that everyone should reach a certain level. The reaching of this point or the process in trying to get here is, in my opinion is what helps to maintain a happy marriage over a long period of time. 

If I had to pick one take away point from marriage and family as a whole, I think it would be to remain open about the institutions of marriage and family because everyone functions differently. The details are too intricate to have a rule of thumb. Marriage covers too wide a variety of things for a person to think that marriage just isn’t for them or even that they don’t want children. Both marriage and family fulfill needs in life that I don’t think you could receive anywhere else. Also, before you choose to hate your parents or siblings based on their behaviors, remember that there’s probably a reason far beyond what you see. I can honestly say that I am taken away from this class, a whole different thought process in terms of my life and the direction that it is headed.

After reading the articles, I think there’s only one conclusion that can be drawn; Divorce is too broad to be a question of yes or no. In some situations a couple should divorce and in others it should not. In terms of children, I think this goes both ways. In one sense, you don’t want children to grow up in a broken home, or to feel that their parents hate each other. This hurts them more than a divorce probably will. In addition, my personal opinion is that if you stay together for the sake of your children, you will eventually resent them. If you remain unhappy for them until they get out of the house, you’re going to have certain expectations of them since you sacrificed so much. This often comes back around and slaps both parents in their face. The child isn’t grateful that they stayed together and sometimes even stays away from both of them because they know how dysfunctional they are.

On the flipped side of that coin, if you can make it work and your kids will benefit, do so. Do not divorce because you’re just tired of trying. There are so many things you can do to repair or even maintain a healthy marriage. Out of all of the couples that get divorces, I’m sure they don’t go to counseling first or explore their other option. The culture for our generation paints a picture that divorces are somewhat a symbol of freedom because in previous generations women didn’t have very many options if they were unhappy. We also learned, when doing an explore assignment that not very many married couples base their marital practices on their religion, which could be another issue. If you don’t have a strong foundation, the little things will destroy you. When choosing to divorce, I think that all things should be considered, especially if you have children.

While it is true that not everyone needs a divorce, we do not live in a perfect world; which means inevitably people will get divorced. However, they do not have to be as bad as they are. In the article written by Sarah W. Buttenwieser, “Because Unhappy Divorces Are Not All Alike”, she gave a list of dos and don’ts that I think should be followed very carefully and can make the difference in a good and bad divorce. Similar to the stories that she told, my friends have parents that are divorced but are actually still best friends. I’m not sure if this was for the sake of her and her siblings but it definitely benefited them. She felt as if her parents had never gotten a divorce. This is the way that I think it should be. Every couple cannot remain friends; however I think if they take certain precautions the effect on both them and their children can be minimized.

My siblings and I are almost opposite of what Dalton Conley discussed during the interview with respect to what factors influence success. There are a few slight differences in the way that we turned out compared with what we consider typical. However, these differences can’t really be attributed to all of the factors that were presented. My brothers and I are very close in age, so my parents’ resources were around the same when we were all growing up. My little sister, who was adopted when I left home, will probably have a different experience because no one is home except her, but for us it was relatively close. Also, both of my parents had to play the role of parent to their siblings, so I think they made strong efforts to have each of us focus on school and nothing else. I am assuming because my parents experienced the same exact thing, they related and a gender difference isn’t something that they have really ever done. The main factor that stuck out to me was environment, because we all had different things going on around us when we were growing up.

Our behaviors are not typical at all; I exhibit the qualities of the oldest, my oldest brother exhibits those of the youngest and my middle brother actually acts like both. The only factor that I could really relate to was genetics and the environment.  My brothers and I were exposed and surrounded by different people, which affected us more than anything else. My siblings and I all moved to Texas in 2000 and of course we were all different ages. I, for example was only 10 so I essentially did most of my growing up here. When I first started playing sports for example, I was In middle school and high school coaches would come to games and see me or even as young as elementary, when I was winning spelling bees, they would have middle school principals present. So, I was able to do a lot of networking and meet different people that followed me up until I graduated high school. Later on, this benefited me because one of my mentors is actually who helped me get into Baylor. My oldest brother on the other hand started off here in middle school, where it was harder for him to just jump into things. He didn’t make friends as easily and he couldn’t start right away playing sports because of the rules of the Texas school system. He was limited in the ways that he could make himself known to people, so he focused more on partying and trying to meet people, which naturally took his focus away from his grades.

The way that we were treated was a little different but that stemmed more from biological reasons and it wasn’t necessarily with the expectations of each of us. My oldest brother has a different dad, so my mom would be a little more sympathetic towards him when he did things wrong. She didn’t expect anything less or encourage him to underachieve, but she did allow for him to make more mistakes before she punished him, compared with me and my middle brother. In addition, I was given a little more responsibility than them. I think that as well wasn’t driven by any particular reason besides me proving to handle certain things better than they did. For example, my mom would have me to prepare certain things when we got home from school because she knew that I was only going to watch TV anyway, but my brothers always wanted to go outside and they wouldn’t take the time to do it right. Nevertheless, everything was the same for each of us. We were all asked daily if we had homework, we were all responsible for chores and we were all given the same rules about dating. In addition, we were all pushed to join extracurricular activities. If we weren’t playing sports then we were all involved with a church group or something to keep us busy.

The paths that we all took did not reflect the way that we were brought up. My middle brother for example didn’t like being pressures to do anything, so he rebelled in everything that my parents pushed him to do. He failed his classes to get kicked off of the football team and when he graduated he had a scholarship offer but chose to stay at home. My oldest brother struggled with school, moved with my aunt after Beaumont experienced a hurricane and eventually dropped out of school. I, on the other hand stayed in sports, graduated at the top of my class and came straight to Baylor. We all act like totally different people but spent the same amount of time living under the same roof. Today, my oldest brother has 2 children out of wedlock and my middle brother has wife and a child on the way and he is only 21. However, both they and their families are well taken care of and they are both successful. I think it is safe to say that I am on a path toward success but as of now I am broke college student, so I am in last place. Taking all of these things into consideration, I just really feel that each family is different because each child is different. There is no sure way to determine which child will have the most success. All of these factors that Conley mentioned are things to consider, however I do not think they weigh as heavily as we may think. When it comes down to it, it is about which siblings are motivated and who will work hard to achieve what they want in life.

Most of us are familiar with the saying “the apple don’t fall too far from the tree”, but just like a lot of other things in life, it doesn’t become significant until you can directly relate to it. In this blog, I plan to share with you how the true meaning of this quote has been revealed to me throughout my lifetime.

Growing up, I sensed something between my mom and her mom, but of course I never really knew exactly what it was. As I got older, I realized that they had a really strained relationship. More importantly, I realized that  my mom tried to be the opposite of  what her mother was in the way that she dealt with her children. Now, I can say she failed. I feel that she put so much effort into being different, she lost sight of some very important things that were vital to our development into adults. The first and most noticeable area was discipline. I won’t go into detail, but I’ll just say that my grandma was very intense in the way that she punished my mom and a couple of her siblings, because not all of them received the same treatment. So, my mom would try to avoid disciplining us physically, especially my brothers. She tried to keep it at taking away something (tv, phones, etc) or grounding us. However, this wasn’t enough because one of my brothers had a lot of behavioral problems. Sometimes I would hear her and my dad arguing about what they should do to stop him from misbehaving. Normally, the arguments ended with my mom saying “I refuse to discipline them the way my mom disciplined us”. This of course was problematic because he kept doing exactly what he wanted to do. My brothers are both successful now, but it took them a while to get started. I think this has everything to do with the lack of discipline that they received at home.

On the other hand, my mom was treated differently because she was the only one of her siblings with a different dad. Coincidentally, my oldest brother  has a different dad as well. In her attempt to make sure that he is the “same” as both of his siblings, he was actually handled with a different degree of patience. I, for example me and my middle brother were grounded if our  grades slipped below a B. However, my oldest brother was okay as long as he passed every class. My mom would often say that he don’t know how Chris feels not having his biological father around or that she understood why his attitude was so bad because she too went through the same thing. Here, all of her efforts backfired and what she ended up with was two children that despised one because we felt that she liked him better. In addittion, today he has a bad attitude. He seems to think that the world owes him something because his biological father didn’t want him. I honestly think this stems from my mom always making him a victim when we were younger.

Last but not least, the amount of responsibility that was placed on my mom was more than I could imagine for any child. But,  she has accidentally done the same thing to me. She started out always pushing me to focus on school and my extracurricular activities. But, when she stopped working, it seems like I almost became the mom in the house. She would push me to take extra hours at work and start buying everything for myself. Soon after, she began asking me to buy things for my brothers and before I knew it, I was paying a bill every month. I’m sure she didn’t do it purposely, but she took away what I felt like being a teenager was. I never did anything with my classmates because I was always working or sleeping from working so much. When I went to college, I thought things would change but they didn’t. She often asks me to buy things for my little sister and niece or if my brothers need something, she will tell them to ask me. It doesn’t really bother me as much as it used to, I think it has just caused me to take on too much. For example, I’ve completely changed my plans after college so that I can help my little sister get through college and help my mom pay back alone that she took out for me. I’m not angry with my mom, and can’t even say that I blame her, I just find it ironic that as hard as she tried to be the opposite of her mom, she’s actually the epitome of her in some ways.

I know that this is very common among so many different households. So, I think the only way to prevent a cycle like this from repeating is to live for yourself. Don’t concentrate so much on how your parents handled you, but get with your partner and together decide what you think is the best way to discipline your children. It is sometimes inevitable to do things the way that they were done when you grow up, but you can’t dwell on them. If you do, you will hurt your children the same way your parents hurt you.

Since it is close to the holidays, I thought I’d post a blog about being thankful and what it means to me. As I look around and observe both myself as well as others, I find that we complain a lot. But it’s not about anything really meaningful, we complain about things just because they’re not exactly how we want them to be. For example, the weather. I always hear someone saying “ I hate this weather” or see a tweet or facebook post talking about how stupid Waco weather is. People never see the blessing in these simple things. Some people are laid up in hospital or sitting in hospice and they couldn’t go out to enjoy the weather even if we wanted to. I complain about people not taking my major seriously or I say I’m aggravated I am when someone says that sociology is an easy major. There are people though that aren’t in college who wish to be, and I choose to sit around and dwell on people’s opinions. In addition, there are people that are majoring in something that they don’t really care about but can’t change or else their parents will stop supporting them financially. God gave us certain gifts and things that we have a passion for and I couldn’t imagine not having the opportunity to pursue mine Not to  mention, I can be pretty sure that there is a future in what I want to do. I just recently talked with a  poet that starred in an event that my sorority hosted and I was so humbled. Listening to him speak about his life and his journey, I felt like he was being punished for what he did. He’s college educated, but made a conscious decision to pursue poetry and as a result he lives in a constant struggle. Sure, we all know that life isn’t fair but it did something to me to see that he continuously works at it, knowing that financially he may not be where he wants anytime soon. This in itself was enough to make me forget about what anyone had to say and just be grateful that I have options after I graduate.

I can’t forget about the people that hate their parents or their parents get on their nerves so bad that they barely talk to them. I can admit I’ve had my fair share of moments that I just knew I’d never speak to my mom again. Then, one of my close friends lost hers. Sadly enough, she was upset with her when she passed. There’s nothing she can do about it now. I know that parents do hurtful things, but there are so many people whose parents gave them up for adoption or simply just didn’t have relationships with them. This is the reason why I think we should all just stop to say thank you sometimes. Regardless of what your parents have put you through, you only get one set and once they’re gone, you can’t get them back.

It took me to reach college to understand what life is really about and what really matters. There are so may times that I walk past a group of students or sit in a classroom and feel like I just don’t belong at Baylor. Then, I had to realize that God put me here for a reason and I began to embrace my minority status at a predominately white school. I have friends just like me, whose parents didn’t attend college and didn’t have money to send them so they are sitting at home, repeating the cycle. However, I was lucky enough to have people around that helped me get to college and even more people that have helped me stay. In the end, this is what it’s about; living life the way God intended with no regrets, learning all that you can so you can be the best at whatever you do. It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t have compared t others, it’s about using what you can to make other people better and being thankful for every second you’ve been blessed to be here. Each of us will take different paths for our lives and the possibilities will be endless. But, we all must ask ourselves the same question. Once you have lived a full life, will it matter what kind of  car you drove, what kind of clothes you wore or what how many friends you had? Probably not; what will matter though is the impact that you had on people, what you did to make your children’s life better than your own and how you used your gifts to fulfill the plan that God has laid out for you.

The case discussed in the article about the baby in Toledo was a sad one; however this doesn’t occur in every situation where a mother sleeps with her child. I personally would choose not to sleep with a child because I know my sleeping habits. I roll over quite a bit and toss and turn all night. Therefore, I don’t think it would be wise to have an infant in close proximity to me. On the other hand my mom who allowed my niece to sleep with her sleeps in one spot throughout the night. She literally doesn’t budge. So, I think it may be acceptable for her to allow an infant to sleep with her if she chooses.

 The other point to consider is not so much physical practices when sleeping, but the stage of sleep that you are in majority of the hours that you are sleeping. Any who has taken psychology has probably learned about the different stages of the sleep cycle and also know that it is almost impossible to get people up in those specific stages. With that being said, a child sleeping in another room may not be heard by their parent when they cry during the night. So, in that situation it would be beneficial for the baby to sleep in the bed so that they can be heard. Then of course there is the reverse. If you are light sleeper or are easily waken up, then it would benefit you more to have your child either in a bed in your room or in another one.

 The most important factor here I think is convenience. We can’t apply all of the same situations to different people because not the entire population of mothers operates the same. The only way to avoid situations such as the one in Toledo is for each mother to use their better judgment and make a decision about whether or not it will benefit their child to sleep with them.

As we learned in class, a narrative is more than just a story. It’s actually more like a blue print for your life. At this age, most of our narratives began when we first step foot into college and will end when we retire. In relation to being an adult, a narrative is a stable blueprint; meaning everything is for certain. You know what your next moves will be and how they will be attained. For the sections that I have chosen, I think it means that your parents are no longer the deciding factor in what you do, you have an established system of beliefs that you use to govern your life’s decisions, you have a declared major (if you’re in college) and know what you will do post college and finally you know exactly what you are looking for in a partner if you haven’t already found it.

According to Arnett, the specific characteristics that define you as an adult are: Accepting responsibility, making independent decisions, becoming financially independent. Once a person reaches adulthood, there is much less exploration in terms of decisions for your life. You begin to follow your narrative much more closely. Whereas, when one is an emerging adult, the narrative serves as an outline that sometimes change or even ignore for the sake of “finding yourself’. After you past this point, your behaviors are more responsible and are concerned more with the future as opposed to what makes you feel good only for the time being.

Exiting emerging adulthood is a matter of taking responsibility and becoming more self- reliant. Being more conscience of how much money you spend on certain things because you are no longer calling dad when you run out it can be choosing to abstain from certain activities with your peers and focusing more on your grades because you know they are your gateway to your next move in life; even choosing to associate more with people that share your major for the purposes of networking rather than always doing something fun. In order to meet the criteria for adulthood that Arnett described, I think you just have to grow up, simply put.

In terms of Love and sex, religion, parents and college I think that a narrative isn’t as important as it is for people that have reached full adulthood. The blueprint is present but it serves as a rough sketch. Just as Arnett wrote, the criterion for being an emerging adult is: Being concerned with identity exploration, the age of exploration, the age of self- focus, the age of feeling in- between and the age of possibilities. From this list, it is evident that an emerging adult is consumed with what makes them happy as opposed to what they have to do to succeed or what would be the best move for their future.

• I think the one of the most important sections Arnett discussed was religion. Essentially, your religion determines how you live your life and what types of things you are going to value. During this time period I think beliefs become stronger. Emerging adults use it as an opportunity to find the answers to questions that they have been having about worldviews and they are able to seek the religion for themselves. They break away from what they learned as a child and different things begin to take on new meanings because their beliefs are now based on experience.  In this aspect, I can identify. My faith became stronger when I got to college based on things that I had seen and been exposed to. The activities that I engage in have changed as a result as well.
• The next are that I think every emerging adult deals with is the changing relationship between them and their parents. For some, it begins as soon as they leave home as it did with me. For most though, it starts when the parents get accustomed to them being gone, which will probably start during the latter part of their freshman year. Children become more comfortable talking to their parents without trying to withhold certain things or worrying about the ways that they’ll be penalized for their actions. Their parents become more of their friends that they check in with to give updates on their lives rather than asking for advice about every little thing. I can’t really compare my situation with the average emerging adult because my mom and I have had a friend relationship for a while. However, I can definitely relate to the change with my dad. I used to always feel like I had to call when I stayed out late but now I barely even call home because I don’t have time and he doesn’t say anything about it.
• In term of love and sex, I feel that emerging adults want to see what’s out there. They want to exhaust as many options as they can before they make a decision about who they want to date and the conditions of that relationship. I often compare emerging adults with kids in a candy store; I think there are too many options and they don’t which ones to choose. In addition, they feel that by “shopping around” that their gaining experience, which will enable them to decide what they’re looking for. Moving to sex, these decisions are made quite loosely. Emerging adults feel that they are exercising maturity or freedom by choosing to have sex just cause, but I personally think it demonstrates how immature they are. Then too, I think it also depends on your religious belief when you choose to become sexually active.  I think in this aspect, I am probably beyond the emerging adult level because I make all of my decisions based on my future and if I could see myself having long term relationships with the people that I am giving my time to.
• College I think is the period in which everyone experiences some type of emerging adulthood. Everyone is aware that college is the step before you enter the real world but it’s almost as if the real world is forever from the time they enter college. It appears to them that the options are endless and time will never actually catch up with them. Most emerging adults have an idea about their future but don’t know exactly what they want so they try, in a variety of ways to find out: changing majors, listening to parents, etc. According to Arnett the American system encourages students to explore and it also places them into 4 different subcultures: collegiate, vocational, academic and rebel. These subcultures describe the different routes that some college students take. With some embracing the college party culture and others focusing primarily on their grades, these subcultures allow students to take away different things from the college experience. In reference to myself, I have dipped into each of the different subcultures but I think for the most part I’ve always ended back up with the vocational and I vowed to remain focused. Then last year, I joined a sorority, got a little taste of party life and have decided to abstain and remain focused on my grades. However, I think the exploration was necessary for me to realize what was important.

After reviewing each of the sections that Arnett discussed, I think every college student is bound to enter emerging adulthood at some point in their college journey. The cultural narrative paints a picture of going to college and doing well followed by successful years in a graduate program, which is followed by a successful career, love and then finally happiness. But, this is clearly not always the case. The cultural narrative may restrain some 20 year olds, but for the most part I don’t think emerging adults act within the expectations. In my opinion, this is a good thing; self- exploration is the best tool for growth. Took much of it will actually constrain you because there will be too many options but just enough will allow you to experience things so that you know what you want to do in life.

After reading the section on child rearing, I had to agree with the points that were made. It is true that different social classes emphasize different things when raising their children. The hierarchy of what they deem important to teach their children is totally different. But, I’m not sure that it’s by choice. Just as it was mentioned, some working class doesn’t have the resources to do everything with their children that they wish they could; so some things have to suffer. However, I do think that this difference in child rearing has some negative effects on both sets of children, but in different stages.

Annette Lareau described working class parents as focusing on the accomplishment of natural growth. I think that as a child, this can have some damaging effects on a person. It isn’t healthy to spend most of your free time outside unsupervised or watching TV without a parent. The media does the best job of portraying EVERYTHING; which means if a child isn’t being watched, there’s no telling what type of information he is receiving through certain television programs. In addition, a child won’t know how to interact with anyone outside of their peer age group if that is all they interact with. They won’t know how to express them or just like Lareau said how to look someone in the eye when they speak to them or shake someone’s hand. If they don’t know how to communicate, then they won’t. This can affect their school performance as well. If they don’t understand something, they’ll sit in school and not speak up because they don’t know how to express themselves.

 Nonetheless, I do think this benefits them in the future. Natural growth draws clear lines between adults and children, which it should. Therefore, when they reach college, they attempt to earn respect rather than thinking they are entitled to it. They value people in authority and act as such. When they get older, attend colleges and even search for jobs, they address the people that have seniority over them with a certain respect that reflects well on their part.

On the other hand, middle class families emphasize concerned cultivation. I think that as a child, this is something that everyone should be taught. You should know how to express to a doctor or an educator what your concerns are just as you should be familiar with participating in activities.

However, I think when you reach a certain point you have to switch gears and understand that the people you are surrounded by are a step ahead of you and do not owe you anything. Use College or the workforce, for example you should know that people in these situations have seniority over you and don’t have any more of an obligation to you than they do to anyone. I personally feel that when you focus on concerned cultivation in someone’s childhood you socialize them to think they can question rules and those they don’t have to work hard to gain opportunity. Just as you have to crawl before you can walk, you have to follow rules and move up into positions before you can question anything. Some people that come from a middle class background are unaware and that creates a problem.

The feminine mystique is the idea that women are unhappy with their lives because they revolve around those of men. They don’t exactly why but something seems to be missing. It was centered on women in the early 1950s and 1960s. They don’t set any goals for themselves because the ultimate one (to find a husband) has already been achieved. It’s about what pleases the man of the house and how to keep everything in order so that he never has to worry. His job is solely to provide financially. Betty Friedan, in the first chapter of her book referred to it as “The problem that has no name”.

The episode that we watched of Mad Men perfectly supported the picture that Friedan painted in The Feminine Mystique. For example, the woman that wrecked her car because she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking. She knew deep down that her health wasn’t where it should be and that she wanted to seek help but when her husband asked if she was okay her response followed along the lines of “if you think I’m okay, I’m fine”. She completely put aside what she thought and felt in order to keep him happy. She totally ignored the fact that it could happen again and possibly harm her children. All was well because the man of the house said so. Another example was when two of the women discussed a single mom that would be moving into the neighborhood. They thought it was so sad for her to be raising a child on her own but strangely the only problem they mentioned was the woman having to worry about money. This proves that the primary function of a husband was to provide financially and for the woman to take care of everything else.

The broader cultural significance is somewhat characteristic of the way that women are “supposed” to act. Consistent with Mad Men, society depicts women as being emotional and passive. In the episode that we watched, the men portrayed their wives as being extra sensitive and just needing attention. After the woman that had wrecked the car, he told her that she was probably okay and that something must have been wrong with the doctor for diagnosing her with a nervous condition. It almost appeared as if she was complaining about something that wasn’t really there. In addition, in The Feminine Mystique, Friedan talks about how these men never really know what’s going on with their wives and I would assume it’s because they do not pay attention. It is a cultural practice for men to attribute all of women’s problems to being emotional or, “she’s just being a woman”.  Also culturally, it is normal for women to take care of the house, so if there is a problem it’s not really addressed. Women have been given these titles and a set of responsibilities that come with them; if they do not fulfill them, they are sometimes seen as being inadequate wives. Of course, no one wants that title so they continue working themselves and the cycle repeats itself.

I feel that The Feminine Mystique still affects women today, but to a different extent. More women are employed in the workforce so they spend less time at home and often send their children to daycare. It is true that the majority of them pick up the second shift, but they still don’t act as housewives only. So, some of the psychological problems do not exist. This is not to minimize the work that they do nonetheless. Women, in most American families are the backbone. They keep everything in order while barely stopping to take care of themselves and I think this is the very concept that Friedan sought to demonstrate when she wrote this book. They become so accustomed that they don’t even realize how hard they actually work. Just as we learned in class, if a child has a problem at school, they are most likely going to call mom because they know she’ll be available. On the other hand, if they need something financially, they are more likely going to ask dad because they see him as the provider. There are a lot of practices that I feel should be changed where marriage is concerned but I also think a lot of progress have been made since The Feminine Mystique was written.

Earlier this semester I posted a blog about how being from different backgrounds affects people in a materialistic sense, but it has never occurred to me how it can impact you on a personal level. It affects everything that you do, even the way you view life. This may seem like a “duh” phenomena to some, but me personally I have always thought that my view on life was in spite of the things that I saw and was around growing up. For example, the desire I had to make a lot of money when I reached adulthood. It wasn’t because I wanted my kids to have what I have but so they can have access to more and so that I wouldn’t have to sacrifice as much as my parents did. I have come to see though that these things are the main reasons why I do what I do.

I sat in the library and discussed with one of my classmates the reason that I strive so hard in everything that I do and why it is so important to me to succeed and in turn she shared hers with me. She shared that both of her parents are well off and have degrees from very prestigious college institutions. She compares herself to them and wants to fill their shoes. I, on the other hand didn’t really have a role model that had been to college. I knew that I wanted to go to college and do well, but I had no idea of what I would major in or what I wanted to do afterwards; it was something that I just thought was normal. Since being at Baylor, my thoughts have slightly changed but my motivation is still the same, which is being self motivated. My parents aren’t pleased with mediocre grades but they’re not as hard on me as I’ve heard some people say theirs are. My first semester here, I nearly cried because I didn’t make the deans list and my mom was so relaxed. “If you gave your all and a 3.5 is what you ended up with, then I’m okay with that” is what my mom said to me. I have a friend that got her car take for not making the deans list. I feel that is what motivated her to do better the next semester. I, on the other hand somewhat disregarded what my mom said because I personally want to do better. This isn’t to say that she encourages me to under achieve, it’s to say that I can’t weigh my achievements according to her expectations.

My parents’ lack of college education is what causes them to understand how difficult college is. My dad feels that he didn’t attend college so he isn’t in a position to tell me what my grades should be because he doesn’t know how hard it is. While he expects me to perform at nothing less than perfect, he doesn’t get upset with me when I don’t. This is what makes the difference in different people and how they go through life. If your parents are more involved or have been where you are, they tend to push you are harder and you rely on them more. Others, like myself have to depend on themselves to stay motivated. I don’t think depending on your parents is bad, I just never realized how so many people with the same goals (to obtain a degree and become successful) have different forces behind their decisions.