The End :)

I am pretty much convinced that society affects every aspect of life. When I started this course, I knew that I always wanted to get married, but the only direct explanation for this want was the fact that it is the societal norm to engage in such a union. It wasn’t until I started this course that I really began to question whether I actually want to get married or not.  The career path I have chosen sets me up, hopefully, to be financially independent and stable. Therefore, marriage for economic reasons is rather unnecessary for me.  However, now that this course is pretty much over, I have had to time to decide that I think I want to eventually get married, I just don’t know when. The two main reasons for this are love and a family. As for the purpose of marriage, I kind of just covered that, but I don’t think there is really one specific purpose for marriage. It can vary quite a bit and depending on your place in society there are certain variations you are most likely to identify with. Say for example, you are born into a poorer family- you are thus, more likely to marry someone with the same economic background. Therefore, marriage could serve an economic purpose because it gives you a dual earner household and thus, a boost in income. However, for me, I feel like the main purpose of marriage is love, support, and companionship.

I am a super fickle person and I change my mind about everything, including guys, so at this point I have no clue what I am looking for in a spouse. If I were to give an answer, though, I guess it would be the usual: someone who is funny, kind, nice looking, can provide emotional support, and is fun to be around. However, who am I likely to marry? That stumps me. In terms of my background, I would have to say a college educated, Catholic, upper middle class individual is who I am supposed to marry. Whether that will even happen though, is yet to be determined. It’s crazy that society kind of makes my decisions for me- I almost feel that every decision I ever make is not what I want, but more so catered to what everyone else wants. I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels like this and pardon my sudden philosophical air of talking, but do I tend to gravitate to certain things because I truly enjoy them or because society says I should like them?

Before I took this course, I never thought of things this way or at least to the extent that I do now. I feel that everyone is in this bubble or fish bowl as we discussed in class. It’s weird, but now that I’m aware of how I make my decisions and how I’m supposed to make them, I want to tweak them so that it is not so predictable. This class made me more of the outside world, instead of focusing in on my own little bubble. Basically, this class just made me more aware of everything, including and most especially, of my various choices in life. I have so much ahead of me and so many choices to make; at least now I know that I have choices and how I make them does not just affect how my life pans out, but also how society changes for the future.

Monogamy vs. Polyandry

Last class, we discussed polyandry and I think the topic is fascinating. I know someone brought up the socialization factor that if we were raised with this sort of mentality, then we would not think of it as a weird thing. This subject reminds me of Brave New World because they stigmatized monogamy in that scenario and if we were raised in such a manner, then monogamy would be a foreign and odd concept for us.  This makes me wonder why we even follow monogamy at all. In biblical times, the guys had multiple wives, and the more cash flow you had, the more wives you could take on, if you will. Back then, having an abundance of kiddos was the main goal- love played no role. This concept of marriage for love is a fairly new concept. Before women had rights or real careers, they needed economic stability and marriage was a means to that- if you married someone and loved them or grew to love them, well then that’s cool. I wonder, though, if the women’s movement had not arisen, we maybe would not have this marriage for love concept. Or, if the women’s movement could have brought out different effects, such as polyandry. It could definitely have been interesting. Although, to me, I wouldn’t like having that as an actual option; I’m good with monogamy.

Stay Together, or Bolt?

I’m Catholic so divorce is pretty much stigmatized in that religion; however, there are circumstances when divorce is necessary. I think, too, that before two people decide to enter such a union, serious thought and discussion should take place because it is meant to be forever. I think some divorces, obviously not most divorces, are effects of rushing into marriage. ehemm Kim K. When kids are not involved, I feel that it is much easier to decide whether the relationship can and/or will be salvaged, whereas once the strip turns pink the decision becomes infinitely more difficult. In this case, the welfare of the child or children must be the priority and if staying with your spouse is what’s best then that is what needs to happen. On the other hand, if the relationship needs to cease in order for the children to be better off, then so be it. In an instance of infidelity, it can be tricky. If the chillens are younger, they most likely will not understand the concept of cheating. I think at this point, the victim in this scenario needs to decide if they can continue living with an unfaithful person for the kids. If, however, staying with said unfaithful person is going to cause tension and an unhealthy living situation for the kiddos, it’s time to bolt.

The Pecking Order

I have two older brothers, Michael who is 25 and Paul who is 22. In class, we discussed the stereotypical attributes associated with first-born, middle, and youngest children and I don’t think those fit my family that well. In high school Michael almost fit most of the youngest child traits, such as rebellion and funniest. Paul was always kind of trying to catch up with Michael, if that makes sense. They pretty much did the same things- no joke. Ever since they were toddlers, both played baseball and did so through college; in jr. high, both played football and ran track for school and played baseball outside of school. In high school, both focused on baseball, and that is pretty much it- grades were not a focus, well for Michael that is. Michael went to public high school all four years; Paul went to public for the first two and then private for the last two; I went to private school all four years. I was always the smart and spoiled one. Paul and Michael were the ones that were going to get scholarships for sports so it really didn’t matter what grades they received. However, Michael finally discovered that he is smart and ended up making the dean’s list and was the only guy on his college baseball team to receive a scholar athlete award. Coincidently enough, Paul too found his smarts in college and changed his major to civil engineering and architecture his junior year- he is really good at math. Since they both kind of acted the same, I feel like I almost took on middle child attributes rather than the younger child ones. I am a people pleaser and maybe a little awkward. However, I think that all of us take on a mixture of the roles.

I am seven years younger than Michael and 4 years younger than Paul. Just as assumed in class, Paul, being the middle, child was not only close with both Michael and me, but also the mediator when my oldest brother and I failed to get along, which was often. Conley said that because of age gaps, siblings aren’t that close because they are not experiencing the same things at the same time. However, because both of my brothers got behind in their collegiate studies and I was in late high school then early college (while they were/ are in college), I became closer to both of them.  Michael moved out of the house when I was 11, so we never really got close until his baseball injuries when he had to move home for awhile after complications due to surgery. Now, though he still drives me insane, we are a lot closer because he was home while I was in high school and Paul wasn’t really there to take up all of his time. Paul and I have always been close and when he transferred to a college in Houston a few years back, we got even closer because I saw him all the time. Now that he lives in Lubbock, I talk to him every couple of days. My parents are close with all of us. Michael is closest to my mom; I am closest to my dad; Paul was closer to my mom when he was in high school; now he is really close with my dad- it’s kind of weird. My parents are very loving and we are definitely a tight-knit family.

As far as my parent’s economic status goes, I was definitely the most blessed out of my brothers. My dad was not super successful in his career until I was in mid elementary school and Michael was in high school. Also, because I’m the youngest and the only girl I do get more spoiled than the boys do.

As far as gender goes, expectations were definitely different in regards to grades. My parents never really pressured me to get good grades, but I think that is mainly because I always did better compared to my brothers in jr high and high school. My brothers were just expected to play well when scouts came to watch games so that they could get a scholarship for college. Grades really weren’t a huge concern until college for them. Now, because they’re college grades are good, my parents expect me to do well.

Mom Panel!

The panel last class was amazing! The moms talked about stuff I had never even thought of when it comes to the whole birthing process. I could not believe all of the logistics that go into childbirth: insurance, the effects of an epidural, the medicalization of the birth, the privacy issue, and the misinformation between doctor and patient. It was an information-overload, but in a good way. First of all, I didn’t realize that insurance played such a huge role in the situation. I just thought that you had the kid and your insurance policy covered it, but unfortunately that does not seem to be the case. Also, the side effects of the epidural? I thought the only side effect was pain relief; so that was a little unsettling. It’s scaring to think that the one thing that is going to make childbirth at least a little more manageable can also be harmful.

I found it unsettling that the medical staff didn’t always communicate what is going on with the moms. Are you kidding me? That is one of the last things I would want to worry about when I’m going through mass amounts of pain. I understand that doctors and nurses sometimes have to make split decisions for the sake of the mom and baby, but just doing that without expressing that to the mom seems a little sketch.

Overall, this panel showed me how ignorant I am on the basis of childbirth.

Emerging Adults

Emerging adulthood is the phase between being a kid and an actual adult. Through this emerging adulthood phase, we plan out what we imagine the rest of our narrative to be. Narratives are essentially our life path- College, grad school, career, marriage, family, retire travel, and death. Everybody has their own unique narrative and usually begins to guide his or her own narrative on their own in college.

The relationships with parents definitely begin to change while you are in college; mine definitely changed. I was always relatively close to my parents when I still lived at home, but now that I am at college most of the time, I talk to them all of the time. Because of this relationship change, many emerging adults take this opportunity to figure out who they really are and what they truly believe- not what their parents believe. This transitional phase allows people to explore different options, particularly religious ones. Emerging adulthood is the least religious phase in life. You are no longer under your parents’ roof- no one is forcing you to go to church on Sunday. Usually, though, as your narrative moves on from college and into a familial stage, religion picks back up as an important part of your life, and consequently, your children’s lives as well.

I think emerging adulthood begins to fizzle out once you find a career, and or, get married. These two major events in the narrative usually brings out the responsible side of people because by this time, it is past the exploration phase and the rest of the narrative is potentially planned out already. The aspect of work definitely transforms from high school and college to adulthood. In high school and college, temporary jobs are usually held at a restaurant or clothing store or some other comparable place. Even emerging adults are not always in their chosen professions right out of college. Arnett said that many times emerging adults will hold jobs that have nothing to do with their degree before they actually find a career in their chosen field.

Marriage typically comes after a career path is set. However, it is in the Emerging adult phase when people start to think about marriage and who they see as a potential spouse. This kind of thought process begins in college when you are mostly surrounded with people of the same age, thus there is a huge pool of potential spouses. Marriage, though not likely to happen soon, is not too far off as it seems to be.

Emerging adults truly become adults when they are financially independent, have a career, are responsible for themselves, and are ready to take on more commitments in all aspects of life.

The Feminine Mystique

The Femine Mystique is the way women behaved and the roles they were supposed to embody in the 50′s and 60′s. Back then women did not have careers persay although they did usually work as secretaries and other similar positions until they got married. They would then become house wives and stay-at-home moms. Wives were very much dependent on their spouses. In the episode on Mad Men that we watched last week, the women depended on the men’s decisions to guide them. Betty wanted to see a psychiatrist, but her husband was adamant that she didn’t. By “obeying” her husband’s orders, she embodies the Feminine Mystique. Even after she is finally able to see the doctor, her husband still has the upper hand by discussing the results with him at the end of the episode.

While the women’s movement gave women a more egalitarian standing in society, there are still effects that stem from the problem that has no name, such as the notable difference between men and women’s salaries today. Not even just that though, the way women are viewed is still the same- as caretaker of the children and the housewife. It has been like this for so long that it seems like it will never change; however, in terms of history, the women’s movement is fairly recent- maybe in the future true equality can begin to take hold.

Family/Work Values

On Monday, we had to fill out a chart about family values as well as employee values. It was surprisingly difficult to come up with characteristics and actions that embody these different roles. In class, the idea that actions were more what appeared in the parental values column, whereas in the employment side, characteristics were the main value. This chart did make me think about if I am like those characteristics in the employment column when I go to work.  At least now, when I go into work, I will think about some of those characteristics so I can be a better worker- those, too, can be used for school work.

The chart also got me thinking about what kind of parent I want to be and how difficult it is to be a working mother. In my NSNA meeting a couple weeks back we had a lady come in who is a nurse and a mom. She said that she was always busy and her husband works full time, too. Someone asked her how she does it- how does she manage to get everything done. She said that it just kind of works out and eventually you kind of just get into a routine where everything just works, but it is very challenging. Since I plan in becoming a nurse, this freaked me out a little bit. I really do not want a really hectic and crazy life, but I guess that is what happens when you have a family and both parents have careers. I’m sure everything will work out like the nursing lady said- it’s just a bit nerve racking to think about it.

The Feminine Mystique

The problem addressed in the Feminine Mystique article, “the problem that has no name,” is one of my biggest fears that when, or if, I ever get married and have kids, I will feel that my life is boring, empty, and that my younger years were the best times of my life. That article just depressed me and reminded me of the Gottlieb article that said women should learn to settle. If this (college) is the best it gets, that’s sad. I think I want a family when I get older, but I really do not want to end up feeling empty and I surely don’t want my life to feel monotonous, although I guess that’s inevitable with anything- whether its school, work, or raising a family there is bound to be some sort of routine, otherwise its mostly chaos, which also would drive me insane. I just hope that when I’m married and have kids that I can somehow not let myself get consumed with work and family and that I actually find ways to be happy although that in and of itself is a complicated concept to understand. I think many people view happiness as a destination rather than a temporary emotion- you cannot be happy all of the time; you can fake the feeling but that will not make it true. As we have discussed in previous classes, many “bad or scandalous” issues in the “happy” days were concealed so as not to disrupt the happy housewife norm. Women may have said they were happier in pre- women’s movement times, but things were not as out in the open as they are now; today, many people are not afraid to show their true emotions, whether good or bad. The emotions mothers are feeling now, are the same ones that mothers felt back then, they just aren’t covered up.

Marriage and Religion

Since I do not have a whole lot of friends who decided to get married right out of high school, I decided to interview my parents.  My parents have been married for 26 years and have 3 lovely children; my mom is a special education teacher and my dad is a medical salesman.  My dad is Roman Catholic (as are my brothers and me) and my mom is First Christian, she attends Mass with us though and practices Catholicism more so than her own religion that she grew up with. Both of my parents consider themselves religious and pray on a regular basis- my dad says the Rosary daily and my mother reads the Bible in her spare time. They attend Sunday Mass together, though, they don’t attend every Sunday.  There are inherent differences between men and women both physically and emotionally according to my parents. My father said he thinks the reason it’s like this is because men are meant to be the providers and women the nurturers. My mother just gave me the curt response of  because “God made it that way”- very intuitive. Neither my mother nor father believe in submission in marriage- they are more egalitarian; the domestic responsibilities are not split any one way- they share them. When they see that something needs to be taken care of, one of them will just take care of it. However, when it comes to fiscal responsibilities, my dad is pretty much the sole caretaker. While they discuss financial matters, my dad is the one who actually pays taxes and other bills. For the final question, does religion dictate household tasks, they agreed that it doesn’t. My parents are an amazing couple who still make each other laugh all the time; they sacrifice for each other and always work together to take care of my brothers and me. I wuv them