Final Assignment

I want to get married for the typical to be in love and have that connection with a special individual that will encourage you and make me a better person. However, after this class I believe the aspect of being stable is also an underlying factor that I don’t necessarily look as and exam as much as the other aspects concerned with love and passion. However, my surroundings definitely play into not the factor of if I want to get married or not (i do), but as to how early I want that to happen. While at Baylor, my desire to be married younger and faster increase do to the southern culture that surrounds Texas. The need for stability is much clearer to me as I am about to graduate and am one of the few left (just kidding) who will not have a ring by spring, or even close to it. The ring is a symbol of many things, stability being one. However, the last three summers I have lived in Colorado and worked in the liberal city of Boulder. The focus to be married at such a young age is uncommon. I realize a difference in my views of when I want to get married when I return from Colorado. It is very much “I want it now” at Baylor and “I don’t want to get married soon, I have things and goals I need to accomplish” when I have returned from Colorado.

The purpose of marriage has changed quite drastically over time for economical benefits to todays view of love. I believe in the love aspect. I do believe a benefit of marriage is to be stable in some way, but many do not say “I married them for stability” (though we can see that during many instances in our culture…Anna Nicole Smith anyone?). I would stay single forever than to marry someone that would make me financially stable or marry them because I would benefit in some way but not have love.

I would assume that my future husband will be upper middle class, come from a Christian family and will be a practicing Christian themselves. They will have a good STABLE job and will love the mountains and hiking. WHy these last two? Because they are not optional. If they don’t hike, they atleast know how to walk so they will learn. The christianity aspects come from upbringing and the person I have chosen to be. It’s important for me to have the same religious views instead of ones that do not match up. I think having the same religious views opens up new doors of growth and connection that would be absent without the same religious views.

When I have a family, both spouses will be taking care of chores. As the woman, I know I will end up doing more of them which is fine, but if my husband sits and does nothing, that’s not going to fly. We’re both going to be working parents, so therefore both of us need to contribute to the household and keeping up with it. The term “parents” means we have children, 2 or 3 of them…2. This aspect somewhat deals with the family I came out of. I am one of two children and couldn’t imagine not having my sister, yet would prefer not to have a third kid in the house. With two, they have someone around to play with, fight with, learn from, and learn how to share and take responsibility. Looking at this from a socioeconomic standpoint, with two, that means everyone gets bigger “cookie” chunks! For me, I felt that my father wasn’t around as much as I would have liked him to be. He was providing for us, but I would have wanted him around more. So I will want my husband to spend a good amount of time with our kids, even if it’s having dad dates on weekends or something. Since my parents are still married, divorce for me is not an option, and that standard is from myself. Now there are certain circumstances (like abuse) that obviously would change this standard, but before I even think about a divorce, I need to take every option of helping our marriage get better first, such as counseling.

Love is extremely important in the stability of marriage and relationships. I think we date people to love them or to get to that point at some time. What’s the motivation if there is not love. One can say money, but even Hollywood’s richest fall out of love and do not last.

I think to stay satisfied in a marriage, first you can’t be TOO picky. Be picky, you don’t want to end up with some strange creature, but not TOO picky. Prince Charming and Aladdin (my personal favorite as a child) are not realistic ideas. I also think that a successful marriage starts by realizing that there are times when you do not like the other person, or struggle with them. Happiness is not a guarantee for every second of marriage life, but that is how we learn. Also in that, I think we must be willing to learn and not be selfish.

« Pink V. Blue

Pink V. Blue

When not attending class, I am a gymnastics coach just off Highway 84. Two of my classes are preschool classes of children ranging from 2-4 years old. One day we were using home made maracas. Some had blue tops, some pink, and some yellow. When the kids came in I gave the girls pink, and handed the boys blue, as society has told me is appropriate. I was stunned when I went to hand a boy some blue maracas, and he refused me, and would only accept pink maracas to shake. I was confused, but gave in.

Why is this so strange? Most of us would find a boy with anything pink as to be worried about or even just recognized as to being wrong. But by what standards is it strange for a boy to be identified with pink? We have been socialized, as well as toddlers at the young ages of 2-4 to the colors that our gender is associated with. Society has told us that pink is for girls, when it really is just a shade. So should I have been shocked when the boy asked me for pink, or has society also told me to be shocked?

Not a long post, but I did think of this class when it happened.

Final Assignment »« Explore: The Pecking Order

Explore: The Pecking Order

In class we discussed characteristics carried by siblings- the first born being more ambitious and a leader, the middle child as a mediator and neglected and the youngest as the spoiled more outgoing and rebellious child.

My family situation varies slightly. There are two of us in the family, me being the youngest. However, my sister who is older has learning disabilities, so there are many characteristics of a first born that I hold as she takes over some of the younger characteristics. On paper, we share roles, however, with her being born first, the division of materials and “the pie” are still very accurate.

As Conley talks about the “the pie” and the division of it, he also discusses that the older and youngest child are the only two who get to experience full attention from the parents since the oldest is born without another child being there and the youngest benefits 100% from parents since the older siblings have left the nest. This is something that is different in our family. Though the pie was split when I was born, dividing up resources, I got much of the cookie (as we demonstrated in class). However, since my sister still lives at home and is the oldest, I never got to experience benefiting 100% of my parents time, attention, resources, etc. Luckily, since our family size is small, I’m not affected by this too much, or enough to make me act out. As Conley says, the bigger the family, the more division we see since the pie has to be split in so many ways. Luckily, I only have one sibling.

I thought Conley bringing up the differences of race in siblings and the effects of that were interesting, a topic I would not have thought to look into. I also was intrigued as to the observation that lighter siblings were more likely to succeed. A study was done before (not one in this interview) of African American babies. The babies had a white and African American doll placed in front of them. When asked about which one was successful, nice, etc, the children picked the white doll. When asked about which one was bad, poor, etc. the children picked the Af. Am. doll. When asked which one they looked like the babies reached for the white doll and then stopped to grab the other. I think this comes since children are socialized and put ideas into there head of who they are by what race they are. If the child of a non-white race was not raised or viewed these ideas when growing up, would they still be the least successful child? Society had obviously put enough influence into the lives of toddlers that they would have these ideas implanted in their heads.

I thought the effects of trauma was interesting as to how it molds our roles and shifts them, as the lady who had called in stated to feel like her role was now more of a second parent. I can somewhat relate to this. In our family, I am much like my dad in the fact that I should be tough and have the don’t let ‘em see you cry attitude. With this I feel like I take on the initiative to not be the second parent, but to be the supporter in times of trial. My sister is more connected and accepting of her emotions than I am. I am the one who hates crying in public, so I take on the role as comforter and action taker, somewhat second parent like.

As the show host said, many of the callers seemed to have their own theories as to why their siblings and relationships turned out as they did. I think this is such a true statement. Every situation is different, so we cannot categorized them as easily as we would hope.

Pink V. Blue »« Sibling Personalities

Sibling Personalities

In class we discussed the characteristics held by different ranks of children in families. The oldest, middle child and youngest hold characteristics specific to their rank, but these may vary per certain factors, one of them being medical issues.

In my family there are two children, my older sister, who is three years older and me. However, our roles as oldest and youngest child vary due to the fact that my sister, Lindsay, has grown up with a variety of learning disabilities, many of them social. Because of these disabilities, mentally, she is younger than me. I believe mental state and maturity are factors that contribute greatly to siblings holding to their characteristics. Do to the fact that I am mentally older than my sister, I hold more responsibility than she does and am the bossy child in the family, no doubt about that. However, my sister doesn’t hold the qualities of the youngest child. She is high functioning, so though she is developmentally behind, she still is aware of her status of being the older child. In some ways I still act as the younger child as far as being funny, creative (especially trying to lie as a child) and being more outgoing.

I am also held to different standards in some aspects more than my sister is. We are both expected to achieve and strive to our highest ability, my abilities are just a little more than hers. The roles change as mental ability do. For my sister, college was not a goal for her, yet that does not maker lazy or spoiled. Her goals were to achieve certification from a program in Austin named CLE- College Living Experience which was based more on teaching independence and life skills. For me, I have the ability to go to college and gain a career, so not achieving a career is not an option for me. My sister and I are extremely different as far as what we are expected to accomplish are in some areas of life. But I don’t look at that as an unfair thing, where she is allowed to achieve less than I am. For her, her accomplishments and jobs she has obtained are very big steps in her life and maturing process. If anything, I am hold the quality of the first born as being very protective. Because she is struggling with obstacles I do not have to, and society looks at her in different ways, I am VERY protective of her like an older sibling would be.

Explore: The Pecking Order »« Babies in Beds

Babies in Beds

Should Babies Co-sleep with Their Parents?

After reading the article by King, I will still have to answer this question with no, at least for myself. The risk of death associated with the practice is too high for me. I agree with the article when it states that “the baby should sleep in the same room as the parents, but not in the same bed.” The practice of room sharing holds almost the same benefits and not the danger of co-sleeping. Though the article says that woman are more likely to breast feed during the night if the child is in the same bed, well then just put the crib close to the bed and feed the child then.

I thought the point that co-sleeping can help regulates the babies regulation was very interesting. This is a statement I would have thought to be opposite. This point is tempting to practice co-sleeping, but not convincing enough for me. I find it hard to believe that co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS. If it was a proven fact that SIDS is reduced during this practice, I still think I would be too worried about rolling over my child or accidently smothering them in the middle of the night to take the risk.

The ongoing debate continues as to if this practice is safe or should be considered by all woman. Luckily for me, I have a real long time before I need to research this more indepthly.

Sibling Personalities »« Emerging Adulthood

Emerging Adulthood

Emerging Adulthood is defined as a time period that hold the characteristics of instability, exploring, being self focused, the age of possibilities, and the feeling that defines this age group as “EA’s” of feeling of neither a child or adult. As Britney Spears would sing it “not a girl, not yet a woman.” Thank you Britney for that insight.

The definition of a narrative isn’t just a story, but somewhat a blueprint for our lives. We have this plan laid out for us, one that we as EA’s have dreamt up for years or possibly just a few months as graduation creeps closer to reality. But, as a quality of Emerging Adults is unstable, so is the design of our blue print. Either way, many of us share the same narrative, as we have been fed that we should follow a path common to others- graduate college, either go to graduate school or obtain a job, start a family, be successful, retire, live it up in your not so prime years, and die. As this path is the blueprint majority of EA’s follow, we strive for these goals as society has laid out to be appropriate for us. With one change to the blueprint, however, the EA has to change his or her future plans. This greatly represents how the Emerging Adult is a time of instability and exploring. We have a plan, yet we are also being A)supported financially and B) discovering new things about ourselves along the way. Though we carry stresses and responsibilities, the fact that we are not classified as an adult leads to endless possibilities. As a freshman, my endless possibilities started with my major. After three changes and some unpromising grades, I found the major that suited me and off took my blueprint in the “speech pathology” direction.

However, we must become an adult eventually. But how and when does this happen? Arnett says the emerging adult steps into true adulthood, no longer strained by this in-between feeling when we become financially independent, and responsible. I personally thought the financial aspect of this would be simple to jump over from EA to A. I pay for my gas, groceries, and clothes, how much more could I have to pay for as an independent? Well after the budgeting activity in class, I was hit with the harsh answer of alot! Many of us will not be true adults by the standards Arnett has laid out for us until 24 or older, depending if you attend graduate school or are unable to obtain a job. The boomerang child is a common situation after college ends.

One characteristic of emerging adults is the changing relationship with one’s parents. Arnett that as of a result of an EA not seeing their parent and having to abide by their rules anymore, parents and EA’s tend to have a better relationship with one another. The EA has the option to discuss what they want with their parents and leave out some details that the parent may not need to know. The child is no longer under the parents complete control and the parent is no longer viewed as an authority figure. This is very true as to what happened when I came to college. In high school I went through my “rebellious” stage full of arguments and butting heads mostly with my father. When I came to Baylor, as Arnett said happens, I became closer to my parents, being able to discuss with them what I want and not having to be under their roof all the time. I notice when home for the holidays that I grow tired of being home. I have the same independence at home now, but just being in their house makes me feel less independent.

The time period of emerging adulthood is also one of the most sexual and experimental times of ones life. As we read in class, another term for our generation is the hook-up culture. We are not confined by societies ideas of sex in the same ways past generations were. However, because of it being more acceptable to be sexually active, the risk of contracting AID’s or other diseases is much higher and of a worry.

Work is also something that EA’s view differently as they merge more into being independent. In high school work is just for “fun money” for most of us, to use on ourself for recreational activities. However, when we move into college we are hopeful to not just have a job for fun, but to obtain one that will help others perceive the type of person we are. The career path we choose says a lot about the type of person we are and what we aspire to do.

Arnett also discusses religion and how the time period of being an emerging adult is the least religious time in our lives. Many fall under the categories of conservative, liberal, agnostic, deists or athiests. Arnett discusses how very few EA’s follow the religious trend that they were brought up in. I find this very interesting since I feel that compared to my past I am in the most religious time of my life, compared to the past. However, this may deviate since we do go to the largest baptist school in the nation.

Through this course and Arnett’s writings, I have become more exposed to characteristics of emerging adults and how apparent those are in my life.

Babies in Beds »« How Realistic is the American Dream?

How Realistic is the American Dream?

Since our budgeting activity in our groups, and my group, sadly, went bankrupt before even sending our child to college, it made me wonder how realistic is the so called American Dream that is implanted in our minds from a young age? Also, is the American dream defined differently for different incomes and socioeconomic status’?

My group had the budget of $47,000 a year, being very close to what the median of American incomes are today, and we tried to budget to live decently. However, our decisions lead us into a negative income. We were not spending “big”, whatever that may be thought of, but it was apparently too big. In the negatives, there was no “safety money” for when problems came up, no vacation money, and money was not budgeted in for clothing, Christmas, birthdays, etc. So, how realistic is the big American dream? Well, probably since majority of americans fall in the $47-50,000, probably not as realistic as we are brought up to believe. So how are majority of Americans, expected to reach the goals that America has laid out for them? I personally believe, the American dream DOES incorporate materialistic, but not a lot of values. The value seems to be put on being financially wealthy and not so much on how we are as citizens and where we are now compared to where we have come from.

I think the Feminine Mystique is seen through todays culture partially in how some woman show they are living the American Dream. Betty had the American Dream, on the outside, but she too knew that having stuff and not much value in herself was not something that satisfied her.

Every individual and income group should have their own aspirations and dreams that are not the American Dream, but their own dream. As emerging adults, the idea of this is fed to us in the ideas of what will your major be, what markets are good, aim for the American Dream, etc. But I don’t want to be a Betty. I want to be someone who can live on their income and be satisfied in that. Being satisfied with what we have? In America? What an idea!

Emerging Adulthood »« The Upper hand of the Female

The Upper hand of the Female

So this weekend I indulged myself in the very popular movie Crazy, Stupid, Love…3 times. And by the third time of viewing it i wondered why in a divorce, majority of the time, no matter who is at fault, does the woman get the house? There is a scene in the movie (don’t read if you haven’t seen!) where Steve Carrell is moving out of the house into a smaller, downgrade apartment. And the question hits me, why is Steve moving out, his wife is the one who cheated. Yes, I know this is just a silly movie, but this is something that happens quite often today in reality.

Does this occurrence of the woman ending up with the house result from the woman being the primary care giver? Most woman are viewed to be the main caregiver of their children, therefore needing more space, or a more stable environment for their children. Another theory I have is that a man kicking the woman out, rather the other way around, is nowhere near as socially acceptable than the woman kicking the man out of the house. I have lots of theories as to this reason, but right now I have to leave it to either its seen as more socially acceptable and less controversial, or to the viewing of woman as being more helpless than men.

Opinions of why this is?

How Realistic is the American Dream? »« The Feminine Mystique

The Feminine Mystique

The Feminine mystique is an era and feeling defined by Betty Friedan referring to the 1960′s woman who felt like their lives were defined and trapped around their husbands, children and housework. Though many of these woman were portrayed to hold flawless lives with material goods to last their whole life, self worth was something that was not fulfilled for woman.

A perfect life was defined by the appearance of a perfect family, specifically a man’s wife who was expected to hold the upmost class and beauty. In the episode of Mad Men, the relationship of Betty and her husband show perfect symbolism of the Feminine Mystique. In the opening scene at the dinner, Betty is very quiet and proper, almost appearing to be an accessory to her husband. Though she is beautiful, she is aware that the concern of her mental health will be an issue to appear as the perfect wife. Her husband refuses to acknowledge her problem completely, yet gifts her with a beautiful watch near the end of the episode. The symbolism demonstrates the idea that beauty is more empowering and defying than the mental issue Betty may have going on.

The Feminine Mystique is also shown when Betty says it would be more horrible to live with a scar on her daughters face than to die. The watcher sees the cultural belief during the time period that appearance is what defined woman in the era.

Another reference to the mystique is when the business man who eats with the secretary makes a hit at female copywriters. His joke leads viewers to see that the woman is not intelligent enough to truly have a role as a copywriter, but should occupy her place as being beautiful. All these instances reflect the cultural view and significance that the woman is to be a symbol of beauty and perfection only, and that the man ultimately holds control over her life.

I believe the feminine mystique effects some woman today, just depending on their type of personality and the environments (work, living, etc.) they are put in. However, as a whole group, I do not believe the feminine mystique has the same effect today as it did. However, I do believe some families and wives of higher income are more effected by this. I am not saying all, but in some instances, the more income a man makes, the more pressure his wife may feel to hold the view of perfection.

The Upper hand of the Female »« Working

Working

The books chapter on work and reasons for working throughout the emerging adulthood period has been experienced by about everyone in college and is easily observed today.

Motivation for working changes as we look from high school and to the emergence into college/ real life.  In high school jobs are attained most of the time for personal, “I want it now” benefits such as shopping or a movie on Saturday night.  The job most of the time doesn’t matter, as many a time they are short lived/ not going to transform into your career.  Once emerging adults reach college, the focus transforms from a short term job, to a long term job, aka the career.  The career is something that will provide for us and not just fulfill the “I want” benefits but the “I need to provide” aspect.  The different view changes our spending habits (or should) to a view of long term- how will this effect me in the future? Do I need this now? How am I paying for my groceries?

Our work also changes how people identify with us.  When working in high school whether at the grocery store or a restaurant, no one assumed because of your job you had a greater amount of education or qualifications.  Majority of hte time, you are cheap labor.  However, with a career an identity is formed and what we study/ decide to do with ourselves molds our future.  The career lays out our socioeconomic status and how others will interact with us.

The Feminine Mystique »« Attitudes & The Wage Gap