So, why are we here again?

First off, thanks wiki for providing applicable info. So, the gist of it all is that structure are the limitations that we get to choose from. Society only provides us with options and our life, inasmuch, is defined by society. Sure, there are the outliers, the people that simply do not conform to what society has planned, but alas they are not the norm. So we are all shaped by our society and our lives, for the most part, mirror the generic form and are, in most ways, for the sole reason of fitting in–because we believe in these norms; our families raised us with these norms set in place, the movies and tv shows show us how we are supposed to turn out and what adult life is supposed to look like.  So let me compare how society has shaped me and how I do or do not abide by their rules for my future life and future choices.

Why do I want to get married? Well society says that I should end my life married and that, in doing so, it will bring me the most contentment that I could ever experience. There are rules set in place by the government that allow for certain benefits to come my way should I be married and i would like to take part in those benefits.In searching for a reason of why I want to get married, I instantly thought of the whole cohabitation thing and why I think that cohabiting isn’t enough of a bond or enough of a structure set in place to continue and be secure enough go stand the test of time, in comparison to marriage. Sure there is divorce and these days there is less of a stigma with procuring a divorce. The government makes it a hassle and does require some things, reasons, documents, and other things to make it a difficult process—partly, i believe, to make the couple think twice about getting the divorce. And I know it sounds crazy because I am so very likely to be divorced due to proximity, but I don’t want to get a divorce—my parents did (my dad a few times more than my mom) and I do believe in the right to get a divorce, but I don’t want to personally go through with one. And I believe that if I were to actually get married that I would find a way to deal with the problems or compromise whereas if I were to only cohabit I would be more apt to tell him to GTFO and not feel bad about it. So, I want to get married so that I cannot bail on a person, I can’t just leave or tell them to leave if I have an issue with something or there is a problem that I don’t want to solve. I am forced to deal with the issue and to “make it work”, as Tim Gun would say. I do want a man that will be fateful to only me and who will not have any other sexual partners and who will take out the trash and kill the bugs for the rest of my life. And I don’t want to have any kind of way to just detach myself from him so easily, because I am prone to just saying whatever and letting go. Marriage would force that upon me and I think I need it. It is secured by the government and by God. Another thing, I believe that there is more of a mutual respect sort of relationship between two married people than a couple that is just dating–because dating is the trial stage, and marriage is viewed as forever—at least it is in my mind. Also, society has placed a greater stigma on infidelity when a married person is involved and less of a stigma on a person only dating someone and they were to be involved in infidelity.

Now on to what kind of person I am likely to marry.

Well according to our studies I am most likely to marry someone who is also Hispanic, also a christian, also living in poverty or just a bit above poverty level, and someone that has been raised in the same.  That is pretty accurate, I would think, except for the Hispanic thing—only because my dad has drilled it into my head to not marry a Hispanic even th0ugh HE IS FROM MEXICO. He says he wants a better life for me and to marry another Hispanic would be defeating the purpose. Because I hold family above all else, I will abide by his rules. I, personally, want a better life for myself, but I do see how the SES does come into play in finding my future mate. The ideals and goals, mentality, and life experiences are very different from social class to social class and I do believe that i would be more likely to get along with someone from my same social class than from a person who has been extremely or even moderately wealthy. That sort of person would most likely not feel at ease with my home and my background. I do believe that love has a lot and will have a lot to do with my future relationship and potential marriage. I will have to love them. It is hard for me to say, because you cannot gauge or measure love, but I would have to have a tremendous connection that I would define as love for this person, especially because I would not depend on them financially and would have little to no other reason to stay with them besides actually loving them and wanting to care for them. In thinking about how I will make it last, I hold this firm belief that the man that I marry would have to be my best friend. Someone that i could and would tell everything to and would want to take care of. I plan on keeping the marriage up and maintaining it with communication, because I believe once the communication ends, the marriage ends as well. You have to marry a person that you find interesting, someone that you can’t get bored of, someone that you actually want to be around and don’t get sick of too easily, someone that–when the libido settles down–will still have your attention and that you keep their attention. It all has to be mutual, no ifs-ands-or buts about it. And when you want to leave, don’t. Just stop and work it out.

This is my final and overall I think I have learned a lot from the class and in doing so I have learned a lot about myself; which I didn’t expect.

So it took me a while to remember what happened on Friday, what we discussed. Then I remembered, had to search through that ol’ Rolodex in my brain. The whole friends with benefits thing and the multiple partner+my boyfriend on the side thing.  I have come to the conclusion, without any data–so don’t hold me to it, that people that are in a monogamous relationship—a marriage– are more likely to stay together in times of conflict whereas I think those in those groups/clans are less likely to stay. Now this does not apply to those types of relationships like Mormons are involved in, because each pair are individually married and then make up a group. There is that strong tie present between them. With the clan type of thing it seems to me that there is only the reproduction part and then the man takes care of them. It just seems like a more familiar type of love with just those few instances of –ooh he looks attractive/let’s do the nasty/reproduce/sandwich. There are no titles that come along with the clan type of arrangement and I believe titles do matter when it comes to the relationship lasting. And in the particular case of those five people living together and getting it on in whichever group they so choose, i believe that the relationship between the gal and her partners would be more likely to stand the test of time than her relationship with that extra boyfriend on the side. I do somewhat view this as a friends with benefits sort of deal. So considering all of this, i believe that the state does have something on us and that society has been shaped by government and religion requiring married couples to register and to have a ceremony in order for the bond to be as strong as it is.

So until Friday I had not ever heard about Sister Wives. After Class I had to google it and find online episodes. First off, one of his daughters has my same name. Second off, judging from the first episode, things seem to be working out alright and they seem to have a rhythm down and a schedule in place. One thing that i did notice was his strict scheduling and time management skills that seem to be quite extensive. I also noticed an interesting kind of pecking order that they have kind of established. The head honcho being the first wife. Also, I noticed that Cody, the husband, mentioned that he does not have his own space.

The roles of the wives is quite interesting. #1 is the matchmaker and the mediator of sorts. #2 is another breadwinner #3 is the stay at home mom figure. And here comes #4.

The way the children reacted to the news about the addition of a new mother was interesting and i think the idea that adding a new parent is the same across the board. Change is hard to accept. And no one likes change. Well at least they say that. One interesting thing hat Cody did say was that “because wives are comfortable with another wife in this lifestyle, they are not comfortable with a girlfriend”. Which makes me wonder if that courting he is doing with another woman feels a bit like cheating and infidelity to the other wives. So far that is the consensus and it looks like there will be tears in the next episode.

I liked how they did talk about jealousy issues and admitted that there were some that existed but that they all cope with it  in their own way or together. As for me, I am a very jealous person to begin with so to think about having to share my husband is quite hard to even consider.

Divorce is an interesting thing. I know only so much about it due to what I have seen and, just being the kind of person I am, I find it to be both good and bad. I will go ahead and divulge the small bit that I have gone through and how it has affected my life and my sisters according to those things that we discussed in class.

Age, Length of Time, and Relationship–I do believe that it is an important thing. It is my belief that I adjusted to the whole divorce thing better than my sisters and that may have to do with age and length of exposure to having two parents. I was the happy medium. I only spent 8 years with both parents and it was sufficient enough to have a taste of what it was like to have them both and still be fine with only one at a time. My older sister, not so much. Why? She was always a daddy’s girl. Me on the other hand, I was not so fond of my dad. Because my mother was the sole bread winner my dad was the one that mostly raised us—ish. He was always trying to control me, mold me into that subservient and male controlled girl. Hated it. I was a very rebellious kid. A lot like my mom. My little sister, she never really considered my dad to be her Father. She knew that he was the man that provided half of her genetic DNA but he was not DAD. Our grandfather was her dad, he did a pretty good job and she was his little girl. It is crazy how much he spoils her. With children, you have to spend time with them in order for them to create a bond with you. You have to talk to them, to hug them, to discipline them, to spend TIME with them. Every other weekend (even if you stay over night) is definitely not enough to forge a relationship with a developing child. My little sister is proof.

Step-parents! — Love them. Well, stepmothers more so.  My mother has yet to remarry and sometimes I feel like I had a lot to do with that. After that whole divorce thing I must admit, I have issues trusting men and to have a new older male take the place and add a title similiar to DAD to his name is kind of a hard thing to deal with. My mom on the other hand was always afraid of actually finding a man, bringing him into our home, and then something awful happen—rape. She had heard stories of such things happening to her friends and she was completely focused on keeping us safe. My dad on the other hand has remarried over and over again. We have had 3 stepmothers. My sisters and I used to joke about starting a scrapbook of all the stepmothers we would have. Some CRAZY stores out of these ladies, but we were never mistreated. Our current stepmother is by far the best, but each one had their purpose to fill and did just that. Accepting my first stepmother was quite hard. Only because my mother would drill into our heads that she was the reason for the divorce, she was why were weren’t a family, and that accepting her as mom would be betraying her—heck even eating at her table was a sin. And our dad would have talks with us saying that we HAD TO ACCEPT her or we wouldn’t be able to visit him or see him because she was a huge part of his life. But we eventually got through that and love her bunches. We still talk to her even though she is not our current step-mom.

I think I turned out alright even with my parents getting a divorce and my father getting two subsequent divorces. Life turned out alright.

What an interesting topic. Pecking order.

Well, I have to say, my family’s pecking order only somewhat follows what Conley talks about. I have two siblings, both sisters so there were never any kind of gender difference treatment and we are all about the same color (although my older sister is quite pale due to her dislike of being outdoors) so there are no differences there. Me and my older sister were born 3 years apart and I am 7 years older than my little sister.  (24-21-14) When talking about sharing the pie, things were pretty equal for me and my older sister, especially after my dad left. But my little sister was indeed given more pieces of the pie, and like Conley says–even receives some from the older siblings. As soon as I was in middle school and my sister in high school, we starting providing for the whole family–but mostly my little sister–because we didn’t want her to live through the kind of poverty that we lived through. To keep funds to ourselves would have been selfish. So, indeed, the youngest is the most spoiled and has been provided for the best.  As for me and my older sister, we are self sufficient. Conley was talking about siblings being jealous of one another because of one sibling being able to have extra-curricular activities paid for by parents or being able to go to private school—well we never had that because of the whole poverty thing, but unlike Conley’s example of the Clinton family my mom didn’t put all her funds into one child, probably because we were barely making it paycheck to paycheck.

I can find it easy to think that with a greater size of family, the less each child would receive–whether it be attention, love, help, money, toys, etc.

As for the whole thing about genetics and environment, we were all living basically alone because my mother was always at work when we were at home and then the highest education level my parents had achieved were high school diplomas (grand parents–highest level of education is elementary school), so there is no difference among us siblings when it comes to that. Conley said something about a kid being a hockey star and because his parents are mathematicians his awesomeness is never realized, fostered, and may be seen as a waste of time. That, I can identify with. Some of the people in my extended family and even my mother considered my excelling in those things academic was a waste of time. The time I was spending in Robotics Club, whilst toting my little sister along with me, was seen as wasted time that could have been spent cleaning houses or working elsewhere to make money.

Now on to analyzing, who is better off? That is a good question.

My older sister never went to college, but is currently earning money—so money wise right now, she is better off financially.

I am, obviously, currently attending college, but am living off of loans and my 2 jobs— so I am better off education wise.

Little sister doesn’t count right now because she isn’t getting good grades in her classes and does not have a job.

Alright, so I will comment on the panel chatting about the things that go along with birthing babies.

I do not know much about the whole insurance bit, but I do know a thing or two about birthing babies. My experience comes from my high school days working as an EMT. Let me strike down some misconceptions–the birthing process is not literally beautiful. That ish is messy and honestly pretty gross–having to buy new scrubs/uniform/shoes because the blood amongst other bodily fluids will not come out of them is a pain. After working as an EMT and doing the dirty work SOLO for 2 vaginal births and playing the part of scrub nurse during a C-section, I have determined that there is no type of beauty in this process. The idea of bringing a life into the world is beautiful. Ok.

On to the hospitals. Question. Did all three women have their babies here in Waco? If so, I am not shocked. I have been disappointed time and time again  with the type of health-care they provide here at the hospitals in Waco. I almost want to say that I hate them.  Back in the day, I worked in the Maternity Ward at Methodist Dallas Hospital and we treated our mothers and families like they ought to be treated.

• We offered the mirror.
• We introduced ourselves (and specific nurses would be assigned to the mom until she had the baby or until a shift change where new nurses would be introduced).
• We actively communicated with the patient–the MOTHER.  (side story: One time I was assisting with a birth and had to translate to the mother in Spanish everything the doctor said, the mother-in-law thing said, and everything the FATHER said! Homeboy didn’t know how to speak Spanish, but he knew how to speak Body Language. hahahaha!)
• We would ask if it was alright if we had residents or other students observe (if the answer was no, we would put a laminated sign up on the door saying “ONLY ASSIGNED STAFF ALLOWED IN THE ROOM. NO STUDENTS.”
• We would have the nurse that checked the mother into the hospital would ask all the questions about:

1. Position preference (noting that if the baby were in danger or in a difficult position the doctor would have the right to override her preference–after all, if the baby dies when the doctor could have prevented it–it’s on him/her).
2. Breast feeding (some docs like to get the mom to start right after the baby is pushed out and clipped because it helps ease and quicken the delivery of the afterbirth).
3. Whether or not the parents wanted to immunize their child.
4. And the list goes on.

Not all hospitals are crap. You just have to find the right one. Don’t talk ish about doctors they are just trying to keep you and your baby alive. Sure, some are a-holes or self-centered, but some are not–you just have to find the right one. The doc going to get a cup of coffee pissed me off. On our floor, the room to get coffee was not more than 100 feet from all of the delivery rooms and was across the hall from the OR. Come on.

I am just kidding. But I have to say, when my little sister was an infant I would swear she was an enemy.  How I remember the days of taking care of her at night when my mother was at work. It was horrible; and that experience has partly influenced my lack of a NEED or WANT or DESIRE to have babies anytime soon, if at all.

Ok. I talked to my mother about this one. Co-sleeping with babies. Yeah, not a good idea. Because whatever chance there is that you will roll over on the baby and kill them, 100%-.05%, there is still a chance that you will kill your child.  And in the beautiful State of Texas we like to kill people (death penalty) that kill babies. Just saying.

An easy fix if you so dearly want to create that emotional bond or whatever that is created when you sleep with/on your baby is to: get a bassinet, put the baby in the bassinet to sleep for the night, put the bassinet in your room on your side of the bed, and place your hand on the baby’s foot so you have that constant touch you were dying for.

There. Done.

However, do not do any of this if you have night-terrors. Sleeping with, near, or around your child should not be an option.  I don’t know if I am kidding or not. Oh well…

Emerging Adulthood, it really does make me think of that movie Alien with Sigourney Weaver where aliens emerge from stomaches of the host person. Anyway.

Emerging Adulthood is characterized by a new found feeling of freedom, control, slight instability when it comes to finances and relationships. Location: Apartment, Dorm, Frat House. Anyway around it, roommates are a commonality. It is a time where these emerging adults find their identity, discover the desires that will lead them to a more stable life, find the future mate for which they will create a family with and slowly become independent. The relationship with the parent(s) changes from the child-parent relationship where the child is completely submissive to the parent and where the parent has most to complete control of the child’s life, to more of a relationship among equals. Religion also takes a toll in this stage of life, evidently this stage of life is not heavily influenced by religion and the 20-somethings are involved with the church/temple/synegog/ only as much as they think they should be (because there are no longer any outside influcences that force them to attend and interact).

The Emerging Adulthood stage in life is much like a buffet where you can choose from all these different options and try out a little bit of everything–a somewhat of an experimental stage of life. But there is no real structure, this stage of life is more of a living from day to day than having a set out plan. Very spontaneous, I would say.

Now let us think of the Life Narrative. The Narrative is the preconstructed stereotype, the plan, the formula of how life should end up when you have past the days of your youth and actually takes those youtful days into account in the whole planning process. The formula begins at the point after high school. For America, I would say the formula goes a little bit like this:

High school Graduation->College Undgergrad->Graduate School (Medical/Law)->Find Mate-> Marry-> Establish Career->Buy House->Have Children->Work, Pay Taxes->Die

Because this is the unspoken norm, the unspoken requirement that all 20-somethings know exists, these Emerging Adults are living life according to this flow chart/formula. After high school graduation, most people apply to college, choose a university, attend, work a little bit on the side, travel abroad possibly, live/mingle with other 20-somethings, date a bit so that they may find that mate to further abide by the formula, study to get whatever type of degree they are working for, intern somewhere, go to grad school (because nowadays you can’t get a decent paying job without having a Masters degree or PhD), and then find that final job that will hopefully take care of their future family for the rest of their lives. We already know what to look for, what to do, what to accomplish, what is expected. The list of ingredients to creating a “normal” family and happy life is set before us and we 20-somethings are in persuit to create that life.

As for me, my life narrative was supposed to be a bit different than America’s life narrative. I was supposed to life according to the formula my family had created; which seemed pretty bleak.

High School Graduation-> Find husband-> Produce Children-> Raise Family-> Continue the career path I was already on (which was cleaning houses for the “rich” people)->Pay Taxes->Die

I knew that this was expected of me and that if I were to persue the life narrative as established by America that I would be looked down upon and possibly break some family ties–which did happen–but I decided to do it anyway. So yes, I know the narratives and I am using them as a guideline, though I hope to never have to go back to cleaning houses for a living, but only God knows.

So in class we were talking about opportunity and budget. Coming from the ghetto and living a rather rough childhood, I only know the hardworking way of life.

Yes, I do believe people have the power to become more than they are or more than they were born into, and more than what their family expects them to be. You can be anything if you are willing to kill yourself working night and day, realize you will have no free time, little to no social life, and will probably be going hungry a few times. The real problem is, you have to WANT IT beyond a shadow of a doubt and you must have drive like no other, along with the capability to speak up and confront people. Why? Because you are starting from scratch.

So, get ready to steal some seeds and plant them in some hidden public piece of land, fertilize it with night soil, and pray for rain. Because once that grain is harvested, you can then make it into flour and then go find that cow to steal the milk to make butter, and steal some eggs (because you definitely do not have the money to buy a cow or chicken or to even pay for the milk or eggs) or work months to years until you could buy those things. This cake will take a long a** time to make. But, it will be made.

When we started trying to budget, my group had quite a large sum to work with ($150,000/year). I didn’t know  how to act with that much money. I instantly thought, well I guess there will be a lot of money in the savings account. I know how much my family’s house costs, I know how much the bills are (cell phones,car, home and auto insurance,water, electricity, internet, and property taxes), I know how much we pay for groceries. I can work with $45,000/year for all of that and have some play money on the side. Currently we have found a way to work with $32,000/year. One day I want to know what it feels like to be rich, to have a yearly income of $150,000. Until then, if those rich people suddenly become poor, I have a feeling they will not be able to survive.

The perfect example of the Feminine Mystique would have to be Betty from Mad Men. She is a stay at home mom, “raises” the children, is not concerned with men’s things (finances, business, education, advancement), and she is quite womanly in appearance.  She is the supporter, the keeper of the home, the trophy wife to take to events to look pretty. She is a robot–much like one of those stepford wives.

What does this mean? Why does the Feminine Mystique exist? How did it come to be such a stereotype?

In the past, before all those movements which have brought women to the status (both mental and social) that we are today, which is only so much higher than what we were in the past, we were considered to be almost like animals. You give the girl a treat (diamond earrings or whatever) when she does a good thing, you give her a job (clean the house, make dinner, take care of the children, go get the paper, bark when there is a stranger at the door) and she does it, you feed her, clothe her, make sure there is a roof over her head, and take her out for a walk every now and again…oh I mean take her to one of those social gatherings for work and she is all set. Good girl.

It wasn’t until after all those revolutions that women gained more human characteristics.  And of course, this Feminine Mystique still exists. I was raised on it. As a little girl I was taught how to clean the house (and as such started working at a very young age by cleaning other people’s homes), do laundry, wake up horridly early to make breakfast so when my welo and dad woke up there would be food on the table, iron the clothes that they would wear that day, the list goes on. I knew I had to be dressed a certain way if I was going to leave the house, and there were expectations for how I would look if I were staying in the house. Hair up, never a mess. I learned how to sew, crochet, take care of large amounts of children. So, yes, the Feminine Mystique still exists and I still (when I go home or to my grandparent’s house) abide by those rules and do all the duties expected of me because “This is the Hispanic way”, so says my grandmother.  But, in an effort to become something MORE, I am going to college, earning an Biology B.S. degree and working two jobs (Medical Assistant and Assistant Grader for the Chemistry & Biochemistry Department). It is partly my fault that this Feminine Mystique will continue to exist, because I do and will probably always maintain it. But whatever.