Hebrew Bible and Christian Scriptures

In what chapter is the ten commandments are written in? Answer: Exdous 20

In what chapter is the tablets are replaced? Answer: Exdous 34.

In the final chapter of Exdous who was not allowed to enter into the tabernalce of God. Answer: Moses Exdous 40:35.

The theme of the wife abounds throughout Proverbs.  The message seems to be that a wife can be a blessing or a curse.  Both of these sentiments are held within 12:4 – “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”  The blessedness theme is picked up again in 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” – and 19:14 – “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”  The other side of the coin is found in the verses below:

A foolish son is his father’s ruin,
and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. (19:13)

Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (21:9)

Better to live in a desert
than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. (21:19)

Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (25:24)

A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day;
restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand. (27:15-16)

I chuckled as I read the verses just given and thought to myself that the writers of Proverbs had a lot of marital issues.  My laughter subsided, however, when I shared a couple of these verses with my wife (not in any way to say that she reflects them!) and she said that she believes that verses like these paint a harmful and lopsided picture of the marriage relationship.  When I asked that she explain she told me that within Proverbs it often seems like the woman is the only partner in the marriage relationship who is expected to better herself and change.  The man, on the other hand, is given no such admonition.  Looking at the negative verses above, I can see her point.  While they are not calling for a change in the wife, they are upholding a certain kind of wife as the “crown of the husband” through negative description, and Proverbs 31 serves to reinforce this idea with a positive description that seems nigh impossible to achieve.  In all of this, there is nothing to be said about the husband.  He is not like a dripping if he is quarrelsome.  He is never described as ill-tempered.  And he certainly is not given a description to which he is to attain as in Proverbs 31.  It seems that he is the “right” member of the marriage, while the wife is the one open to criticism and who should live up to incredibly high standards.

Having said all of this, it should be noted that Proverbs was written in a time when gender roles were viewed very differently than they are in the US today.  The woman was not an equal part of the relationship and was viewed much like property.  Add to this the male centered message of Proverbs – it is a book written to a son – and the marriage verses in Proverbs start to make more sense.  Moreover, the entire book might be read as an argument for male improvement.  The son is to heed wisdom and leave simple ways.  While not directly addressing the role of husband, the male is indeed addressed in the appeal that he embrace wisdom.

But the fact still remains that the wife is many times painted in Proverbs in very negative terms which often border on sarcasm.  And she is held to a succinct standard that basically calls for her to do everything in the house including producing income while the husband is only mentioned in reference to the reputation that he enjoys because of her.  While an argument can be made that the husband/male is addressed in the book at large, it pales when the strong language concerning the wife is examined.  She is directly condemned if she does not meet the standard, and she lives in the shadow of Psalm 31.  Is it any wonder that a woman might view these verses as oppressive?  As a male I find them as such!

So what are we to do with a book that paints marriage in a lopsided manner?  Teaching people to read it better and translating the social situation is a start.  And preaching must be viewed as central, for in preaching these issues can be directly addressed.  Shame on us if we cannot paint Proverbs in a life giving manner that challenges both genders in the marriage relationship and does not single out wives for comment.