The Past in Present View

After taking this class, the big question is, “Will you get married?” Well the class had no impact on my choice towards marriage, so YES. I WILL GET MARRIED AND PLAN TO HAVE A LONG AND HAPPY ONE AT THAT! Marriage is as good as the people in it, and if someone does things to make it fail, then it will fail. The statistics are fine, but I am the type of person to do things for myself and figure it out. I am highly aware that every marriage is not the same, and some people will have terrible experiences with it, while others will have wonderful experiences.

Marriage is supposed to give a deeper meaning to a relationship. But the question is still begged, why does marriage have to be recognized legally? Why does the goverenment have the final say in who we can/cannot marry and ultimately who can be given the title? What is the purpose of marriage to me? I think that people get married for the oppurtunity to say they are married. It is desired because the idea is you are to spend the rest of your life with that person. Normally people get married because they love each other and they want to start a family “the right way”. Society today looks down on parents who have children outside of marriage, so it is by default what some people turn to.

The man I am most likely to marry will be similar to me. We will obviously have the same views on some things, and he will also be unique in his own I need my husband to be okay with straying away from the standard narrative. I am not saying I will not follow that narrative, but I am aware and open to change. I want 4 children at the most and I would like a balance of boys to girls. My parents are divorced and both have two children, so perhaps this where I get the idea to have 4 kids. My parents divorced so technically, through discussions in class, I may be more likely to divorce as well, but I don’t believe that. I will not let the past of my parents interfere with my future. If my marriage doesn’t work out it will be for our own reasons. Just like anyone else though,I don’t want to divorce. Hopefully the man I choose to marry will be the man I am with for the rest of my life.

Love is the most important thing to the stability of my relationships. If we don’t love each other then why are we even together? Love should be the reason we are together in the first place, and our personalities and  idea of what a relationship is will keep us together. Keeping my marriage together will have to be a combined effort between me and my husband. I can’t keep it together alone, and I would hope my husband understands that. I will take with me the 5:1 theory that says for every 1 bad interaction there should be 5 good to balance it out. I will share that with my husband, and as a matter of fact my next boyfriend. Where was this piece of advice years ago?!

I know that though my personality won’t allow the statistics to clout my judgment in marriage, my husband ma be the textbook case that follows these stats. I have fallen victim to society’s idea of a family, and I wanto be married with children and live happily ever after, but I know that in order to live happily ever after I don’t HAVE  to be married, but it would be nice.

I think the pecking order is much different for me. I am the oldest, but none of my siblings are born of the same parents. My parents divorced and both remarried and had children in their second marriages. So technically, to me, all of them are the first born from their parents.

I have lived with my mother and my brother lives home as well. I will say that our relationship has more that I can compare to with the pecking order than my relationship with my brother from my father’s second marriage. Growing up, both me and my brother saw my mother struggle, so I would say we both have the same resources. We both had to find a way to do the things we wanted to do and realized that everything would not be handed to us. Even after I left the house for college, he did not necessarily get more material things like discussed in class. Things were still the same regardless if there were the both of us living home or just one of us.

This brother is 15 years old, born 7 years after me. I do notice now that my mother is much more lenient with him than she ever was with me. I was always punished for disobeying her and frequently reminded of what I was supposed to do and what the rules were. There are things my little brotheer does that I could have NEVER gotten away with. He stays out much later than me at 15 years old, and also has such a slick mouth. If I even looked like I had something disrespectful to say, I was quickly popped.

This leads into our gender differences. Since he is male, I think my mother is just trying to let him find himself. Especially since his father does not live in the house she feels she needs to let him explore his role as a man. He does visit his dad and stayed with him a few months at a time, bu that is all very much needed. My mother was probablly over protective of me because I am a female. Being a female requires so much teaching. Sex, pregnancy, menstration, and perhaps because she was a woman she felt the need to keep me close and teach me all she knows. He is definitely living a much more care free life than I was. He has minimal chores and pretty much does what he wants.

Obesity is not an issue, and neither is race. We are both about the same color so I don’t see either one of us having a problem because we think we look different. This pecking order idea really didn’t apply to me because there are different families involved. I don’t have a sibling who shares the same mother and father. My brothers live in different households so they are raised differently. We are all definitely unique because of that. Because of how I was raised with my mother, I see how differently my little brother raised. With my father’s son I see how my stepmom raises him and it is much different from me. Maybe this means that we will all be succesful in everything we do.

I will say though, the brother that lives with my mother is not an over acheiver when it comes to school. I was always on the honor roll while he was definitely the child who struggled throughout school, but as of late he has gotten much better. He is also involved in sports at school and was in the band in middle school. I was not involved in sports while I was in school, nor the band. I did things like make signs for games, and I was on the step team. If he would have continued struggling in school I would have agreed with the pecking order, but because he is so involved in school and has turned around, I can’t agree. I don’t think the pecking order holds any significance. Children will be spoiled, brats, hard workers, loners, over acheivers all based on their personalities and their parents.

The panel discussion made me realize how much I do not want to have to go through pregnancy. I have often played with the thought of adoption and possibly not having children at all. My reasons for thinking about adoption were: 1) the PAIN that comes with birth 2) the PAIN AND 3) THE PAIN. That was my only reason, but it is a pretty good one. The process is never described as a wonderful experience, and yes I could opt for drugs, but what if I move? Now I’m paralyzed AND I’m having a baby. Then when I think about adoption, I always have flashes from scenes of films like Orphan and The Omen where these people have these evil children. I don’t want to have to sleep with one eye open because my child may or may not be the devil. I’m being dramatic, I know, but this is a real fear of mine.

In addition to the feelings I already had about birth, the hospitals are trying to get you for every penny you have! TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR BIRTH?! I mean really, if we could do it ourselves we would, but because it is kind of imperative to have a professional do it, why is it so expensive? Where is the incentive? That is entirely too expensive. Can someone give me the list of things we are paying for? Are we paying for the sharp objects and other tools being used? The room? The sheets? The gloves? The light bill? The water bill? The way these moms said they were treated while giving birth was also a turn off. I’ll be damned if someone tells me what I’m going to do when I’m the one having the child. I would not do well in that environment. Who wants to go through the process with a bunch of stress? There are too many negative things associated with giving birth for me.

BUT then you have this beautiful child in your arms and all is well. OR NOT. After that you are just stuck with the bill. I guess I have to make sure I have a really good job that provides excellent insurance. I could definitely go the route of having a midwife and giving birth at home or at a midwifery (I may have made that up, but there is a place where you can go that is not a hospital to have your children that are equipped with midwives). But then there’s that PAIN again. I’m just not looking forward to it, but I do like children. This blog is not to be mistaken as a hate note towards children. I love kids, I just don’t know how I want to have mine.

Emerging Adulthood is that awkward period of time while you are college aged (about 18) until you establish yourself and your desires. It is where you find out about yourself, you figure out what it is you wan tout of life, and make some major decisions that shape your life thereafter. The narrative is the path and story of your life. Everyone’s narrative is not the same, but there are similar characteristics of what the narrative should be. The typical narrative is school, college, career, marriage, children, death. In between all those points in life the events may vary, and some narratives may not even follow these path. I believe that it is this time of one’s life that they direct their narrative. After the basic schooling and you are a legal adult, it is from there that things begin to change and decisions have to made.

Parents: It is in the stage of emerging adulthood that you figure where you stand with your parents. What will your relationship be like and will change at all. You are most likely no longer living with them and don’t see them everyday so there has to be an attempt to keep in contact. Since I have come to college, I notice that I don’t call my parents often. I rarely call to talk. But when I do talk to my mother, I tell her just about anything that comes to mind. I decided that I wanted have an honest relationship with my mother and talk to her like an adult. I feel the same way with my father, but limit the things I tell him due to the sensitivity of the subject. I think it is the transition from teen to adult that effects the relationship with the parents. They are learning to let you grow and experience adulthood, and you are learning to be on your own. It is here that you can still count on your parents for certain things because of the awkward time in your life, but afterwards it is expected to be totally independent from them.

Love/Sex: The hook-up culture. We have discussed heavily in class the period in emerging adulthood that is the “hook-up.”  Here is when you are old enough to find love, but still young enough to not be ready. I am highly aware of this hook-up culture, especially being in college. It is easier to not get involved with anyone because there are so many options constantly staring you in your face. It is much easier to explore what it is you are looking for and not feel guilty about it in this time period because it is what is expected of you. As a 50 year old man or woman it is hardly normal for them to participate in the same activities. I have definitely explored my options my time here in college. I notice that now as a 22 year old about to graduate I am looking for more now. Before I was careless and just looking for fun and what could hold my attention for the moment, but now I am looking for something much more steady.

Marriage: In this phase there are not nearly as many marriages as previous years have had. Now emerging adults are interested in their career choices and education much more than the idea of marriage. Yes, they are getting engaged and maybe even dating someone and in a serious relationship, but as we have seen they are not getting married. Years ago it was common to be a teen or young adult and married possibly working on children or already have them. The times were different and ways of making money were also different. Some families owned land and were farmers so they needed many children to tend to various tasks. My thoughts on marriage right now is NO WAY! I am in no position to get engaged or married at this time in my life. I am still figuring myself out and have not determined what my career will be or if I am even ready for something so serious. In my narrative I don’t see myself in that stage until I am in my late twenties or early thirties. But for some people their narrative may include them being married now, especially here at Baylor where it seems the norm, but at other schools not so much.

Work: As a teen you probably took on small jobs just for the money. Money to buy yourself material things and fund activities you want to do with your friends. In the emerging adulthood stage you take on jobs in hopes you find what it is you want to do with the rest of your life. This is the time when many resumes go out and you work your way up in a job to then decide if it is for you or not. This is also where you take on a job strictly because yu have responsibilities and what you desire to do may not be a money maker at the time. You have to figure out what it is you want to do and what makes you happy, but also how can you profit from that. Did the degree you get in college lead to a career or not at all. Work is much more crucial at this stage in your life because this where you could find your career and possibly end up working for years to come. I have an on campus job right now and I wok because I have to pay my rent, but I am highly aware that this is not how I want to live my life. Although I know I will not work here forever, I often wonder what it is I want to do with my life. Until I find that career goal I will take on small jobs that provide me with the funds to take care of myself, but I will know that there is something out there better for me. I plan to have figured out my career path by 25. Since the economy has changed for the worst, jobs being harder to obtain and less people hiring, it is an extremely stressful time in ones life.

I believe that everything I have learned about emerging adulthood applies greatly to me and my life. My narrative: School, college, more college, career, marriage, family, comfort within my life choice, death. Following this path I notice the attitudes I have towards love/sex, parents, marriage, religion, work , and college. I am following that standard narrative, but also making it my own as I go.

I could not help but notice the constant idea presented in “Concerted Cultivation and the Accomplishment of Natural Growth” that working-class and poor families’ children like to play with their cousins. In every two paragraphs it seems there was the fact that the kids were outside playing with their cousins. Who says that because you are working-class or poor that your neices and nephews are nearby? Where does this information come from? I was raised by my mother and we were “working-class” and by no means “well off” but I did NOT find myself playing with my cousins outside and sitting in plastic lawn chairs.

I understand the idea that middle class kids are raised differently and handle situations with other adults differently as well. Although I was not raised in a middle class family, that does not mean I do not know how to speak to adults and voice my opinions in an effective way. What was left out in this chapter was the fact that, it is the parents who control how their children choose to act outside of the home. There was this unspoken assumption that all working class and poor families were not interested in speaking with their children and instead sent them outside to play with their cousins. Also this cousin thing insinuates that the ENTIRE FAMILY is in the same class as them. It also hints that those in middle class don’t value family as much.

What is this chapter really saying? What I got from it was, people with more money have conversations with their children, and working class send them outside to play. In class we spoke about the diferent classes and why the people may be different in their actions and how you could tell them apart. It is true that those well off may have a larger vocabulary and put emphasis on things that other classes could not. That point is explored in the chapter specifically talking about vocabulary and extra curricular activities. But, that child that is in the lower class family can be encouraged by their family to do well in school and educate themselves, and work hard for the things they want. It is not wise to write them off as less privledged because of their class.

To me the feminine mystique is the idea that women have these inherited duties, but they are in actuality not satisfied with their roles.

In the episode of Mad Men we see these wives who are unhappy and women who are objectified. One wife is dealing with nervous issues, her hands shake, and she is clearly uptight. Although she has these obvious problems, her husband is convinced that there is something physically wrong and not mentally. It was as if there was no such thing as mental issues and she was not allowed to give her thoughts on the subject. She clearly wanted to see a psychiatrist, but because her husband seemed against it and thought it was uneccessary, she went along with him. She spends her days cleaning and cooking and caring for the children, and is showing signs of unhappiness. Much like the feminine mystique, she probably wants more out of life. She is overwhelmed by her duties at home, and needs a getaway, and perhaps a faithful husband, though it is not clear if she is aware of his infidelity. She later breaks down thinking about the scar her daughter has acquired on her face. She made it pretty clear that it was the most horrible thing to have to live with and the fact that it was on her face was unbearable. She was convinced that her daughter will lead a sad life because her beauty is compromised. The priorities of women are skewed because the men of that era believe that hold more power than they actually do.

Women will forever be stigmatized as homemakers and stay at home moms. They will never fully get the respect they deserve, and that is because men have the sense of entitlement. History has created a path for women because of the things we once weren’t able to do. I do believe the feminine mystique still effects women today. There are plenty of women who are defined by the their home duties, but want more. In chore wars we see the women who were responsible for most of the home care were the least happy with their positions. It is overwhelming dealing with the house and the children, and feeling like there is no reward or appreciation for it. It is sad to say, but what has really changed since then? Yes, women are allowed to do more things than before, but that does not mean they are equally respected for them. When Hillary Clinton wanted to run for President, the question was, will America be run by a woman? She struggled becuase of that. Even women who take care of home and have jobs have it hard because they are basically working two jobs, the second shift. They have to struggle for success and respect at work, but also have to come home and get that in order. 

Every women isn’t unhappy and feeling like there is more to life than being home. Some women do enjoy being the primary care taker. Women do, however, deserve more in life and should be entitled to anything and everything a man is entitled to. There would be no room for the feminine mystique if women weren’t judged for their ambitious choices and people stopped living in the 50′s.

Reading the article I was still a little unsure as to what the argument was? Were people upset with Friedan because she said more women were unhappy today, or were they upset about people’s response, or her idea that personal choice matters.

As far as I could tell, I agree with Friedan when she says that women she be able to fulfill the same goals as men, have better jobs and better sex. Seems like it should be seen as female empowerment, but instead it has rubbed people the wrong way. Why are women upset with her for saying women deserve better? It is almost as if these people believe women should be confined to the household role, and stay soft spoken instead of being bold. So what some women didn’t agree with her theories, why are we talking about it? Why is it such a big deal? Everyone has an opinion, but apparently Friedan’s opinion struck a nerve.

Friedan could be correct about the women who hold those stereotypical roles are unhappier now than ever. In the chore wars video, the women who married to men who did less around the house were not exactly jumping for joy. The one family that did things together, and the husband admitted to doing more chores around the house, appeared to be happier.

Friedan should not be blamed for divorces and infidelity because she suggested women were unhappy. If someone is unhappy it is up to them to want to change, their actions are their own.

Our discussion in class Friday was very enlightening. I found out that many people have an issue with strip clubs, and older generations have a problem with interracial dating.

Stripping should be seen as a form of art, low art, but art nonetheless. Like I said in class strippers have a talent that can be very entertaining. They get paid to do more than just take their clothes off, but they also do various pole tricks that you wouldn’t see on a regular basis. Women shouldn’t feel threatened by their boyfriends/husbands going to see strippers. If a man wanted to be with a stripper, he wouldn’t be with you. Forbidding a man from going to these clubs is a sign of insecurity. What people fail to realize is most of these clubs are professional, these women are at work, it is strictly for enjoyment not to carry on outside of the club. It was mentioned how these strip clubs are places that business men like to close their deals and take their clients for entertainment. This pointed out how the corporate world is dominated by men. It makes sense that businesses are filled with men because women have not been able to work since the beginning of time. It took the women’s right movement to allow them the rights to work, and get into the same fields as men. Strip aren’t going anywhere and men are going to keep going them.

What atracts a white male to a hispanic female, or any two opposite races? It all came down to how a person was raised. If they had more conservative parents who were not comfortable with other races, then they were most likely going to feel the same way and date inside of their race. Personally I was raised in a home where it was not accepted to bring home a guy of any other race. I was not told I couldn’t date them, but I just could not bring them home. In class many people talked about their grandparents being the strict ones. The grandparents were growing up in a time where things were still very tense, so it makes sense that they would not be open to the idea. People are attrated to different things about a person, and it is more than looks. Personality can also play a part in attractiveness and sometimes race is overlooked.

I’m not sure what I was supposed to get out of this chapter that I don’t already know. As a teenager you take jobs that are for the most part meaningless and only beneficial for the paycheck. You have these jobs because you want to buy certain clothes or purchase other popular things. As you grow older, you search for jobs that are related to what you may want to do for a career and you see yourself excelling in. By the time you get out of college, you should be searching for that job you are looking to make a career and stay with for the rest of your working life.

I have followed this path to the T so far. While in high school I actually did not work at all, except for one summer when I was a summer camp counselor. It wasn’t until I was on my way to college that I had my first real job from 9-5pm working at a daycare. I then had a few retail jobs and now I have an on campus job at the gym. I always worked for the money, not the experience. I was interested in having my own spending money and being able to buy myself nice things without having to ask my parents. Now I’m at a point in my life where I need to find my passion and make that my career. With graduation right around the corner, I am in the stage of my life where I am done exploring with “McJobs”.

Times have changed and it is almost imperative for someone to have a job. It is tough without having one, and gender is no longer a factor. There are stay-at-home dads too these days, and all sorts of aids for both parents to be able work.

The couple I interviewed was La’Treace and Gregory. They are married and have been for about 11 years now. 

La’Treace is pretty old fashioned as far as the responsibilties of a woman in a household. She takes of all the cooking and cleaning usually. She gets her son ready for school and takes him as well. She is also a very religious person. She attends church every Sunday and is an active member of the congregation doing things above and beyond.

Gregory has old fashioned ideas about a man’s duties, he feels he should be the manly figure for his son, and that all things man should be “manly.” He is very manly, and tolerates no baby characteristics from his son. Gregory is not very religious though. He has attended the same church for years, but in the recent years he has not been to a Sunday service either because of work, or football.

La’Treace is the main bread winner of the house, while Gregory works he is not bringing as much income as her. Gregory is a “manly” man, but he is usually the one doing the grocery shopping, but La’Treace is defintietly the cook and cleaner of the house.

La’Treace did not base her marriage to Gregory on his religion although she is very religious. They both believe in a higher power, adn that was all that mattered. They believe there is  a God, and are familiar with the bible. They are very much traditional in a sense and credit that to the ideas of gender roles.  Their religion seems to play very little role in their relationship. Though La’Treace has Gregory come to her church on important holidays, and insists that her son be exposed to large amounts of gospel music and be active in the church as well. She is accepting of Gregory’s “stay at home religion” and does not push the subject.