(Final Exam)

When it comes to choices about family and marriages, it will either be a structural choice, or an agency choice.  According to Wikipedia, “agency” refers to the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own free choices, and “structure” refers to the recurrent patterned arrangements which influence or limit the choices and opportunities available. So simply put, your independent decisions vs following the flow of society.  I am going to incorporate these decision making methods to my choces of starting a family.

When people asked me why I wanted to get married, I just looked at it through a structural view, and said, “because everyone else gets married.” I thought it was just someone you had to do.  But if I were to be asked that question again, I would want to get married for my personal reasons. I realized having a spouse is extremely important for emotional support. I saw on a study that people who are married suffer less from depression and are a lot healthier, especially with the spouse worrying and looking after your health. So I would say, for me, having someone in my life for emotional support is my main purpose to get married.

Now, about choosing what kind of woman to marry is a broad question.  In the beginning of the semester I would have said, “anyone who I fall in love with.” But now, after learning about a wife’s role in the modern society my opinion has change a little. The person I would most likely or would like to marry would be someone who would be able to set a good family foundation for the kids. I would like to marry someone who shows emotional support, and someone that has had a good education. I would like to have 2 kids so I can show both kids the same amount of attention, and I would want to raise them in a healthy family environment. Doing a lot of family activities, like going to the zoo, and vacation trips. So a wife that would be able to be a good parent would be my biggest concern in finding the right spouse. And of course I would like to be attracted to her.

I would like to base the family I want with the one I grew up in. Although my dad was strict, I feel like he raised me well, and established good morals for me and my sister. My parents are still together and I don’t know what it is like for them to be separated. So, I always grew up thinking that divorce was something that hurts the family. Although I learned that there are just as many reasons that getting divorced may help the kids, I don’t think I would have a high chance of getting divorced. But I learned it is extremely unhealthy to raise your kid in a negative environment when you and your spouse is fighting all the time.  In order to avoid getting a divorce, my spouse would need a passive personality. I have a pretty strong personality, so if my wife were to have a strong personality as well, I feel like we would clash. So, looking at a girl’s personality before getting married would be a good way to maintain a longer relationship.

I believe love should play a big role in a marriage. No marriages end up like the perfect fairy tale, but being able to express love isn’t only healthy to maintain a good relationship with your spouse, but it is healthy for the kids as well. It is always good to surround your kids in a positive, loving environment.  You never know how you’ll feel about your husband/wife as time goes by in the marital life cycle, but having faith in love, meeting someone with the personality that I’m compatible with, and having kids to raise together will hopefully keep my marriage going forever.

Today in class we talked about have a relationship with multiple people. I remember during our conversation someone saying that having an open relationship with multiple partners is like having multiple friends with benefits. That is exactly how I felt about the people in the video. I then took a step back and wondered why anyone would want to live like that. That would just cause constant jealous among the partners and it wouldn’t be a healthy environment. Especially for the kids when the society around you are judging you for going against the norms of society. But that is exactly what was wrong with how I was thinking. I was seeing them through the norms of society. It just goes back to what people view as right and wrong, based on how they grew up knowing it to be. So, the student in the class can argue all she wants about polygamy being immoral and “not right” but someone else who has a different view on relationships can have different opinions. Although, I agree with the student and believe it isn’t a healthy way to have a family, I understand where someone who supports polygamy is coming from. For example, people have always seen the husband to be older than the wide most of the time. It is just how it’s been because men need the authority, and men are physically stronger, but what if it was the other way around. What if it is “more normal” for women to be older than men. It makes more sense because women live longer than men. It’s just how people have come to know what they feel is right and wrong, and I personally think polygamy is wrong.

In one of my classes we talked about what the right age to get married was. The teach chose me to answer the question and i simply said, “when I’m in my late 20′s and early 30′s.” But after answering that question it hit me. I’m 22, and according to my answer, I’ll have to get married in a few years. Right then, a girl answered the question saying, “I’m 21 and I’m married.” So is there really an age limit on marriage? Or can you get married whenever you meet the right person? My mother knows me better than anyone on this planet, and she has always told me I needed to wait till I am in my thirties to get married because I am a VERY indecisive person and marriage is life’s biggest commitment.

Obviously, marriage requires a great level of maturity. As we talked about it in class, maturity requires things like financial independence. Therefore, I believe a stable job is a necessity in order to get married and start a family. If I was asked that question again, I would change my answer to, “Whenever you meet the right person and once you feel you’re mature enough to start a family.”

Today we talked about divorce and how it affect kids of different ages differently. I feel that an example from my life can best describe the different attitudes kids have about their parents getting divorced.

One day my parents sat me and my sister down in the living room and told us straight up, “We’re getting a divorce.” Followed by the reasons they are going to get a divorce and tried to convince us our lives will still be the same. Suddenly, I started to feel that the family was really breaking up and It’ll never be the same again. I have always been extremely close with my parents and got along really well with them. My younger sister on the other hand never really got along with either of my parents. She is in the rebel stage right now and hardly spends any time with the family. So when I heard the news of course my heart was crush my eyes immediately started to water. I got upset and went outside to drive around and reflect on my childhood. But my sister on the other hand, just went on with the night like any other ordinary night. I couldn’t believe how cold my sister was. But that is the difference between us. All throughout high school till now I have been very close with my parents, but my sister has been pushing my parents away from her life.

Thankfully, my parents talked for a couple of days and decided to work things out and stay together. They haven’t been in a single fight since that day but when I think about how differently my sister and I reacted to the situation, it is really interesting to study the relationship between parents and their kids.

I just wanted to expand on my previous post about “spanking” you child. Like I said in my previous post, I explained how I believe the personalities of my younger sister and I are so different because when I did something wrong my dad always spanked me and he was never able to lay a finger on my sister because she is a girl. Turns out that after I left for college, my sister has been causing some sort of trouble on a daily basis. I have never upset my parents enough to call it a problem but my parents and my sister currently attend family counseling together. Whenever I come back home from Baylor, I try to spend as much time as I can with my family. Our favorite thing to do is sit in the living room and watch Korean TV shows together, but I don’t think I have ever seen my sister in my living room with us before. Whenever I come home, she is always in her room, and whenever we go out to eat as a family, it is always just me and my parents. Every time I talk to my parents about my sister, we always agree she is in the rebel stage and she’ll be okay, but the fact that my parents admit they don’t know how to control my sister is worrisome.

My younger sister is the only sibling I have and we are 5 years apart. I have always been the child with the talent of art, and my parents always tried to push me to go to an art school, and my sister was the kid that got good grades. Therefore, my parents put more attention on me for art and just let my sister do her own thing with school. But once, I decided I wanted to go to Baylor instead, my mom has shifted the art talent to my sister, by sending her to private art lessons and is now pushing her to go to an art school. Sometimes I can’t help but to get the feeling my mom wants my sister to go to an art school because I didn’t go. But I have always had the same amount of resources growing up, until I went to college. You guys might think my sister has obviously been getting more resources from our parents, but it is actually the other way around. My parents have always been pretty protective of me and they believe that since I’m away from home, they should give me more resources to help me be independent. Also, I believe personality traits play the biggest factor. Hate to admit it, but I have been pretty dependent on my parents growing up so they have babied me a lot in the past. My sister on the other hand makes most of her allowance money by working. Although she has a strong personality, gender does play a role in our family. I’ve been “spanked” by my dad A LOT growing up, but my dad said he couldn’t lay a finger on my sister because she is a girl. Because I have been disciplined a lot as a child, I can’t remember the last time I upset my parents about anything. My sister on the other hand is in her “rebel” stage and my parents have been telling me how much stress she gives them. I try spending the most time I can with my family and try to stay home at night, but my sister tries to find every possibly way to get away from the family and when she decides to stay home she’ll never leave her room. My parents have also said they lost control of her because the independence my sister claims to have has driven her to do whatever she wants. I used to wonder why my sister and I are so different when we grew up in the same environment, but now I realize it’s just how we developed our personalities.

I never thought about it but it’s crazy how all the personality traits of the first born and the second born we talked about in class fit me and my sister. I was always the kid with the talent and my sister is such a rebel child. Growing up, I thought I had the most strict parents in the world because I had a curfew of 10pm until I became a senior in high school. But once I got into college, it is like my parents got confused between my sister and me. My sister has never had a curfew in high school and at first I thought it was very unfair, but what can you do now? It’s not like you can get the time you could have had staying out late with your friends in high school back.

I also feel bad for my sister. Before I went to college, my mom was ALWAYS home. Whenever I came home, she always made me snacks and I always smelled dinner before she prepared it for me and my sister. Now, my mom helps my dad at his clinic every day and my sister comes home to an empty house. I feel like that can be a reason my sister and I have such different personalities.

I always blamed my sister for being such a rebel, but until now, I never thought of the possibility that the environment and parenting style can effect the child’s personality. I am starting to realize that it is important for the mother to be very involved in a child’s life. A child should always have a feeling of comfort and support whenever it is in need instead of developing that gap between the child and his/her parents.

I thought giving birth was a one man, or a one woman’s job.  Was I wrong. I learned during Monday’s class that the husband needs to play a big role during the giving birth process. I was completely shocked by how the doctors treated the two ladies while they were giving birth. Especially when the students were walking in and out of the rooms whenever they wanted. Although the baby’s life is the first priority, the mother’s privacy should be respected as well. Therefore, the husband should be the one to play the role of the advocate. I never imagined how important it is to have an advocate with a woman giving birth, but when a woman is about to have a baby, she is in a very fragile state and she would not be as assertive as she would be.

Also, all women should breast feed their babies if they can. I don’t see why you wouldn’t breast feed your baby. It is the most natural way to feed your baby, and it is what a mother is supposed to do. It naturally fits your baby better and I feel like natural is better than artificial. You’re not supposed to breast feed your baby if you have some case of AIDS, if you use drugs, or in some other specific cases, but I think breast feeding your baby should be the first choice.

I was writing the date on the scantron during my economics quiz today until i realized it was 11/11/11. I found that fascinating until i realized it is 2 days before my birthday. It is a weird feeling of mixed emotions for me right now. Although i should be excited, I am also scared. I am scared that I am one step closer to becoming an adult. Am I the only one who is nervous to become an adult? I got to admit, I’ve been spoiled as a kid growing up. Whenever I got in trouble my dad took care of it instead of making me face my own consequences; whenever I wanted something my dad always bought it for me instead of making me work and buy it myself; and whenever I felt too lazy to do something my dad just did it for me. Today, looking back, those events held me back from learning key elements of becoming an adult. I have been pretty worried about being able to find a job, and being financially independent. I feel like being financially independent is a big step for me and I have no clue how to fill out tax forms. Anyways, life is a process of learning and by the time I exit my emerging adult life to officially enter adulthood, I hope I will be ready to take it strong and be successful at it.

Emerging adulthood is the time if your life when you are in your late teens to mid twenties. It is the time of experimentation and learning to become independent. It is the beginning of not to rely on your parents and learning to do things based on your own judgement.

A narrative is an outline of your life. More like a “story” of your life. My narrative has always been to go to college, move to Korea, get a good job, find a pretty/nice girl, get married, have 2 kids, send them to college, watch them raise a family of their own, and die. I’m sure everyone’s narratives follow a similar order but nobody’s narratives are exactly the same.

If I had to incorporate a narrative to a typical emerging adult,  it would most likely to go to college, and get a good job. A narrative drives this society. It is the reason kids go to college, choose a major, try to find their “true love”, get a puppy, etc. A person’s narrative is what guide’s a person’s behaviors to do certain things and act a certain way. If one’s narrative was to become very a very successful business man, he/she might be very social, and try to network early with people they seem to think they might benefit from in the future business world. So behavior is very much affected by one’s narrative.  I guess you can think of a narrative as a blueprint that people want to build their life upon.

As an emerging adult, the relationship with your parents would be mostly affected. It is the first time you will be living by yourself and this is where you teach yourself to be independent. For me, my relationship with my dad has actually gotten a lot better after going to college. Both me and my dad have strong personalities and we used to clash often living under the same roof. But as my dad is seeing me work towards my future, and try to become more adult-like, I think he doesn’t feel the need to lecture, and try to teach me all the time. This is the start of the parents’ acknowledgment of their child’s adulthood.

Love and sex is an area that differs the most for everybody. There are emerging adults who feel they need to find a partner early as a replacement for their parents to rely on for support, and there are ones who feel it is still early and concentrates on their future occupation. Love is a choice, unlike the inevitable forces that change one’s relationship with their parents. Emerging adulthood is also a time where people tend to experiment with sex. Again, a choice.

College is a place for one to find their identity. It is a boiling pot of boys and girls of all different kind of ethnicity. I’ve seen people experience and fall in love with different cultures and I’ve seen people experience with dating to find what kind of personalities one likes in a boy/girl. It may seem like heaven to most teens, living with people of their age away from their parents but as little as they know, college is a place that people adapt different aspects of lie that will shape their personalities and characteristics forever.

Lastly, religion plays a big role in emerging adults. At home, kids go to church because that is just how they were grown up. But in college, which is the beginning of emerging adulthood, kids have the freedom not to go. People are also exposed to other religions they might experience and fall into. Or one might even experience religion for the first time. At this point, the emerging adult will be old enough to choose the religion they feel they should believe in.

An emerging adult should officially become an adult as they become financially independent, and become completely responsible for themselves to make right judgement. By that time, one should be ready to raise a family of his/her own.