Ring by Spring

As I was writing my final blog, it got me thinking of some of my friends who are becoming engaged. I think this is a little ridiculous considering everything we’ve learned in this class. Since we are a part of the emerging adulthood years, we will be undergoing sooo much change and be put into totally new situations. How do we know how our fiance will react to these situations if we have only witnessed them in college? I have noticed myself change so much from high school, and I know I have a lot to undergo after I graduate. There is no way I want to promise myself to marry someone when I don’t even know if that will be something I can handle in a year! I feel like we are way too young and the pressure that this phrase puts on college seniors is not needed.

I have a friend who got proposed to last Christmas when she was a junior. Both her and her boyfriend are in a 5 year program and will not even graduate until they are 23…that is a 3 year engagement! Who knows if they will even be able to find jobs in the same city? To me there are too many factors that have yet to be determined in our lives and by becoming engaged before we even truly get to know ourselves and find our place in the world is too much.

« Finality

Finality

Before taking this class, I always wanted to get married because I wanted to have that deep love connection with someone that would last the rest of my life. I also want a companion that can love and support me through all trials and stages of my life. It is important to me that the main reason I get married is for love, without love, there is no point in getting married. After this class, I was able to examine more of the underlying reasons for getting married. As silly as this may sound, I never looked at marriage from an evolutionary standpoint. I have always been more interested in getting married because of love and passion so I overlooked the fact that marriage is a way of continuing our species and continuing our genes. I also never thought about that the person I marry will most likelt have to be from a similar background as I am. Before I thought that as long as two people were in love, it didn’t matter what obstacles lied in their way. I was very much a believer of the classic Romeo and Juliet narrative. Two people coming from different backgrounds and making it work despite criticism and strain. Taking this class has widened by perspective on the reasons I want to get married, and how to make it work.

I think the purpose of marriage has shifted from more of a “business transaction” to a companionate love. Previously, marriage was arranged between a woman’s father and the man interested in her. The purpose of marriage could be to keep two families from feuding or to gain a profit. Women were not given much choice in the matter. The purpose of marriage today is to have a companion to share your life with and a mutual understanding that you are in this for the long haul. The purpose is to have a stable respectful relationship.

I feel like I am likely to marry someone from a simialr finnancial, racial, and sociological background. One of my requirements is that they have to come from a Christian background and want to raise our kids in a Christian home. If they are not a Christian, there is no chance. They also have to have a good sense of humor and be easy going. I need to have someone who can laugh and have a relaxed personality. I tend to sometimes get anxious about things so I need someone who is chill to offset that. Other than that I am a relaxed person, so I want someone who is not dramatic.

There will be an equal family structure. I want my husband to take part in the chores. It doesn’t necessarily have to be equal, but I want him at least to try. At first, I would like both of us to be working. If we are pretty financially stable, I would like to take time off from working to be a stay at home mom. In terms of children, I want at least 2. I am very scared of actually birthing children haha, so we will see if this changes when I am older. I also wand my husband to have a job where he can still spend a lot of time with the family and not travel very often. I want my kids to grow up with a father that is very present in their lives [and mine ]. I want my family to be pretty similar to the family I have now. I am very close with my brother and mom, so I want this to also be the case with my future family. My parents are divorced, but I would never want this for myself. I want a husband who will always be there for me and our children. I would do almost anything to ensure that our marriage lasts, and before we were to get divorced, I would seek counseling.

I am not sure if I am more likely to get divorced or not. Statistics show that people who come from broken families are more likely to get divorced. However, since I have seen my parents marriage (lack thereof), I know what to look for in a potential husband that would indicate that they would not be a good husband. I think that because I have heard about my mom’s relationships, and I know what is unacceptable, I will be better able to identify when there is a red flag in a relationship.

Stability in a relationship is VERY important to me. I realize that every relationship will have its ups and downs, but overall it should be pretty stable. I think love is the thing that should be the most stable, it is what keeps people together during times of tribulation. I also think that a spouse’s actions should be stable, they need to be affectionate and show that they love the other person as much as they can and is healthy. Emotional stability is one of the most important factors to me in a relationship.

In order to stay satisfied in a relationship, you need to keep a positive outlook. This can be hard to do, but if it is not done then the relationship is destined to fail. You cannot blame the other person constantly for mistakes they’ve made, some things you just need to let go of. Living with someone is going to be difficult, but in order to make it work, each person should have reasonable expectations of the other person and only fight about the important things. Communication is also VERRRRRY important. I have learned that consistently throughout all of my relationships, romantic AND platonic. No one is a mind reader so it is important that each person effectively communicates their wants and needs to the other person. I feel like this is one of the areas that a great deal of conflict arises from.

Ring by Spring »« Monogamy vs Polygamy

Monogamy vs Polygamy

Our discussion on monogamy and polygamy really interesting. I enjoyed discussing the driving factors behind both lifestyles. Most animals are not monogamous and try to mate with as many other animals in their species as possible. When you look at their offspring, it makes sense that they are not set up to live a monogamous lifestyle. Their children do not sty with the parents as long as, for example, humans do. They don’t need to provide as many resources for their offspring as humans do either.

Humans are set up to be monogamous for a multitude of reaons, some of which were discussed in class. It is beneficial for humans to be monogamous because our offspring stay with us for many more years than other species. Parents often support their children until they are at least 18! It makes sense for us to want to find a mate who would stick around long enough to see the raising of this child through. It would not make much sense for a male to hav children with many women because of the support that each child needs. If we were polygamous, parents’ resources would be split up between many sets of parents which would give each child a small amount of resources. The parents’ time would have to be split up between multiple households and would cause huge amounts of confusion. An interesting fact that someone brought up in class was the polygamous lifestyle of some cultures in the middle east. It was found that the first wife of a man would be more likely to suffer from mental disorders when the husband marries other women. This in itself shows that emotionally, most women need to be with one man in order to keep a sane state of mind. Life long companionship helps each couple deal with the stresses of life and support one another. Personally I love being in relationships for this very reason. It is nice to have someone to talk about stresses and issues with so you can work through those problems.

I believe that people should be monogamous (at least for the long run) for both moral and evolutionary reasons. It makes sense for raising young and for each person to have an emotional support system.

Finality »« Divorce

Divorce

When Ashley was talking about parental roles after a divorce, it really got me thinking about what it would be like if I were in that position. Even though I come from divorced parents, I never really thought about the amount of interaction my parents still needed to have with each other even though they were divorced.

I feel like during a divorce where the couple has children together, the main thing the couple argues about the most is child custody. If one spouse gets full custody, it brings up the issue of child support and whether or not the spouse with custody will allow the other to visit the children. In the case of my parents, my mom was initially awarded full custody but still allowed my brother and I to stay with my dad frequently and spend a great deal of time with him (because he lived in the same city). As I got older, I began to notice the strain this type of interaction put on my parents. My dad felt that he was entitled to more time, but legally was not. I would see my parents arguing about this on almost a weekly basis and this put a lot of pressure on my brother and I to argue for a certain parent. I sided with my mom while my brother sided with my dad. One of the issues we talked about in class was that sometimes parents will use their kids as messengers to the other parent. This soon became the case with my parents since they no longer wished to speak with each other.

The little experiment we did in class on Friday really helped me to put this situation into perspective. I liked how the class was divided into both sides and we had to think of reasons to stay or not stay together for the kids. From experience, I would probably still think that I would want my parents to get divorced and not stay together just for me. I know my mom is a lot happier now and my relationship with my family is a lot more stable and loving. However, I could see how parents would want to stay together to avoid the initial contraversy that ensues while arguing over child visitation.

I think that since divorce isn’t looked at as severly as it was say in the 50′s, more people are willing to get divorced even if children are involved. I am happy to see from the graphs in class that divorce is somewhat leveling out. This could be due to people getting married later or perhaps I hope this trend continues or that the rates continue to drop.

Monogamy vs Polygamy »« Turkey Dropping

Turkey Dropping

I think the concept of “turkey dropping” could be very beneficial to both the person doing the breaking up and the person who is being broken up with. If the relationship was very long and emotionally charged, it will be very hard for both parties to adjust to the change in relationship status. Personally, I have been in both positions and I know how it can feel being on both ends. As a freshman I had a long distance boyfriend of almost 3 years who I ended up breaking up with right before Thanksgiving. The transition into singlehood was actually more difficult than I had anticipated. Although I knew it had been the right decision, it was a little weird getting used to not having the same person to hang out with at home or talk to everyday. This feeling soon ended though and I was very relieved and happy to be single. I got to spend more time with my friends at home and my family. As bad as this may sound, it did save me money on both my ex’s birthday and Christmas presents, but this had nothing to do with our relationship ending. If a relationship ends before the holidays for this reason, the relationship shouldn’t have been entered into to begin with.

I also have been broken up with once right before Christmas. Money for presents had nothing to do with the breakup, but it was still pretty difficult for me. I am thankful however that it happened before the holidays because I had a chance to go home and be with my friends and family who are a phenomenal support group for me and helped me to feel a lot better.

Whether is is the person being broken up with, or the person who is doing the breaking up, I recommend for the breakup to happen before the holidays. As sad as it may seem to be alone during a time like that, it will help both parties be happier at the time.

Divorce »« Pecking Order

Pecking Order

After listening to Conley, I think that my family follows what he was talking about but with some differences. In my family there are only two kids. My brother and I. Because it is only the two of us, the distribution of resources is very high per child. This is not to say it is evenly distributed. Since I had more jobs for more of my life than my brother has, I feel like a lot of the resources went to him. He needed to be supported more than I did. However since I am a girl, I had more that I wanted to spend money on and I am more social than my younger brother so I spend more money on social events. Having a small family of  three people has definitely impacted my family. There are fewer people to buy things for. It has also made us three very close to each other. I could talk to my mom or brother for hours. They are everything to me. This could also have to do with the fact that I am only two and a half years older than my brother. We were only in the same school once when he was a freshman and I was a senior. We didn’t really start getting along until about that time when we had similar experiences. I don’t think that our genders played a huge role in how we were treated. When my dad was around I was definitely more spoiled than my brother, I was daddy’s little girl. With my mom however, she treated my brother more gently because I was more able to take care of myself than he was. I definitely had the characteristics of the older sibling. No one in my family is obese, my brother and mom are both very skinny and in shape people.

Our birth order isn’t as prevelant now as it used to be. Up until recently, I was the more outgoing responsible go getter type. My brother and I have similar traits that are both characteristic of oldest and youngest child. We are both ver outgoing but have trouble making decisions. I think since we have become very close we have started to balance each other out. We look a lot alike. People often actually think we are twins or that he is the oldest. He is about 6′ 1″ and I am 5′ 7″. Aside from the height the only thing that distinguishes us is our hair/eye color, and our skin tone. I have blue eyes blonde hair and he has brown eyes and brown hair. He got my dad’s olive complexion while I got my mom’s fair complexion. I think that environment and how parents raise their children determines more about who the child grows up to be. I always swore I would be my own person when I was younger but now I am finding myself becoming mroe and more like my mother. And I do not mind it one bit

I think since

Turkey Dropping »« Birth Order

Birth Order

I thought Wednesday’s discussion of birth order was very interesting. Not many people take time to think and talk about how their fmaily dynamics have played into their personality. I felt like a lot of the birth order descriptions were pretty dead on. However, other factors can also go into play that can affect birth order that makes them gravitate away from the typical birth order stereotype.

As a first born, I can remember when my little brother was born. I was so jealous he was getting all the attention. I wanted him to go back to where he came from (I feel very differently now haha). I can also remember being really bossy with him and telling him to do everything I wanted him to. I felt that since I was older I could reserve the right to have more power and that I deserved to have the first say in every discussion. Since then, I have noticed other traits that are typical first born. I am more responsible than my brother is, I like to get things done myself, and I feel like I am more of a leader than he is. In high school I had many jobs and was able to buy most of my own clothes, concert tickets, my ipod, and many other things. It was unusual that I would ask my mom to help me pay for things. My baby brother on the other hand, had a job in high school that lasted him maybe 6 months. My mom paid for everything he needed, and I feel that he was way more spoiled than I was. Whenever he didn’t get his way, everyone knew. However there are also positive things I noticed about him that coincide with being a last born. He can be more lenient than I am, SOMETIMES he will let me do what I want without complaining. But other times, since he was so spoiled by my mom, it was his way or the highway.

A factor that I think affected my brother and I’s personality and dynamic was the fact that our dad left when we were in high school/middle school. This left my brother as the only “man” of the house and required him to take on more first born attributes. He had to step out of his “baby” role and help around the house with things my mom and I couldn’t do. He had to deal with a lot of things that most younger boys don’t have to deal with, and because of that, his personality and our family dynamic changed.

I think that birth order studies are very interesting and can affect people on both an individual and societal level. It influences the type of jobs that people tend to go after and obtain as well as the type of people they associate with. I am glad we got the opportunity to talk about this during class and hope that this topic can be tied into other discussions that we have in the future!

Pecking Order »« Emerging Adulthood Narrative

Emerging Adulthood Narrative

Emerging Adulthood is a concept that has been interwoven into many of the assignments and discussions we have had thus far. It is a stage of life after adolescents where people learn more about themselves and grow into the people they want to become.  It begins by a stage of exploration, this could include going to college in a different city or exploring a possible career path. Emerging adulthood can also be described as a time of self focus which could include spending more time partaking in hobbies or getting an education. It can be a period of uncertainty but it is also filled with many possibilities. A narrative is a form of communication that arranges human actions and events into organized wholes in a way that bestows meaning on the actions and events by specifying their cause-and-effect relations to the whole. Most people’s narratives follow a similar path but will have many different variations.

 There are many areas in which Arnett discusses changes in emerging adults. One that I could relate to was my relationship with my family. Arnett believes that when you go off to college the child-parent relationship becomes more friendly and open. I definitely think is true and it could be because I have more I can relate to my mom about. I don’t think that she is out to get me as I once did in high school. I see her as more as a friend and advisor who I can go to for just about anything.

Another area Arnett discusses is sex and relationships. The idea that emerging adulthood culture has turned into the “hook up” culture was postulated. I can somewhat agree with this just from what I have noticed around campus and with my friends.  A lot of people our age are not especially looking for a relationship. They want to have “fun” and experience different people around them. I somewhat disagree with this as I prefer to be in a relationship, but I can understand where these feelings are coming from. Being a part of the Baylor community I feel like this idea isn’t as prominent but after visiting other schools that are not religiously affiliated I can see where Arnett got this idea from.

Arnett discusses the idea of the “McJobs”. I can remember in high school having a number of small jobs including babysitting and lifeguarding. This concept can also be brought into emerging adulthood. People of that age usually do not have a set career because they are still attending college. Due to the time constraints many emerging adults are kind of forced into odd jobs that do not pay as well. This is a reason that many college students are still dependent on their parents for income (granted they can provide it). However after college I feel that it is important for emerging adults to learn to stand on their own two feet and become completely financially independent.

 Finally, Arnett discusses the emerging adult’s relationship with religion. This can play a huge role in one’s personal narrative. For those people who would consider themselves to be highly religious, their religion will play a major role in what type of decisions they are making. During this time of becoming an adult, there is a lot of freedom to explore other religious options that would not have been available while living at home. I know that for me personally, I became more involved with my church as a freshman than I did all throughout my time at home.

With all this being said, I feel that many college students fall into the category of an emerging adult. It is a time when some learn to be finiacially independent or have their first job. They have the freedom to more thouroughly explore areas such as sex/relationships. religion, and work. Our cultural narrative allows for all of these stages and new beginnings. Many people are socialized to follow a certain path and because of that, there are not many exceptions to the common narrative. I know that I personally follow the narrative of going to college, graduating, getting a job, marriage, ect. It was I was raised to want and something that I do believe I want for myself.

Birth Order »« The Feminist Movement

The Feminist Movement

When I was reading about the feminist movement it reminded me of a few scenes from Mary Poppins when the mother was campaigning for women’s rights. She was dressed in a beautiful gown and had a song that was used for protests. I feel like the actual feminest movement was way different than this, here it seems to be glamorized.

The movement was started based on the voices of the few brave women who knew they were capable of many more things outside of their homes. The Feminine Mystique gave these women the power to accomplish this attitude. I enjoy how Stop Blaming Betty Friedan suggests that for women to be fully fulfulled, they must have a greater purpose. I am sure that many women were thinking the same think but because that was the norm, they were too afraid to voice their opinion. Nowadays there have been many women who are in high positions in their career. At the company I worked with two summers ago I was amazed to see most of the “c-suite” (CEO, CFO, ect) was compromized of women! There were only a handful of men. Women during the feminist movement have accomplished so much and I am hoping that women’s roles in the workplace will continue to increase.

Emerging Adulthood Narrative »« A Perspective on Strip Clubs

A Perspective on Strip Clubs

I think a person’s perspective on strip clubs has a lot to do on how the person was raised, their gender, and mainly their religion. Personally I am completely against strip clubs. But I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I was raised to respect myself and to respect other women as well. I was also taught that it was immoral to be showing too much skin and for men to look at women who flaunted themselves in a sexual manner. I am also a woman. Most women are against strip clubs because they know of what goes on in them and are repulsed by the idea of naked or almost naked women dancing on a stage/men. There are some exceptions to this I know. I was also raised as a born again Christian. Strip clubs and watching any type of pornography was considered a sin and was not to be messed with. Sexual relations were supposed to be between a married man and woman and nothing else.

Because of these reasons, I am opposed to strip clubs. It has nothing to do with my level of trust in my boyfriend or that I am insecure with myself. On the contrary, I feel that I am very secure with myself and for that reason know what I do and do not want in a boyfriend. If the reason is they are going to have fun with the guys, there are plenty of other places you can go hangout that don’t involve women dancing.

This is not to say that I expect my boyfriend to not look at other pretty girls. It is human nature that men and women are drawn to look at members of the opposite sex. What I do expect is that my boyfriend would not act on this.

I think the reason that there has been growing acceptance of places like strip clubs has been our nation’s shift toward mroe liberal views. It used to be that things of sexual nature were a private matter and many men did not want to become involved with it. Also since the internet has become so prominent, our country has become more pornography saturated. Since strip clubs are not directly considered “porn”, people don’t see the problem in attending them.

The Feminist Movement »« Gottman Article